Deployment journey

2009-12-21T21:39:00.001-08:00

I have started a new blog, look at my profile info for the link.

Sort of nerdy- you would have to be a homeschooler to understand

2009-06-17T14:10:00.000-07:00

We just got our curriculum for next year. And everyone is excited! We will be using "The Prairie Primer" to make the Little House series into a year of homeschooling! Miss O is stoked. She loves this book series. And it will be easy to teach indian skills as well as family history into the mix.

In other news;

I am now a large and bloated 34.5-ish weeks pregnant. Bear will be coming home when I am around 38.5 weeks along. I really hope to hold out until he is home to deliver. So many things will be less complicated that way.

I still have all the kids co-sleeping with me (saves me sleep as I don't have to get up as much in the middle of the night with sleepwalkers). The girls will be headed out to their room at the end of the month. But Ollie is the more complicated case. He is a sleep snuggler. And I am more than a little worried about how he will do once I am away overnight to deliver Ari. So my mind is going round and round whether or not to transition him to his crib or just leave him in bed with me. We shall see. This isn't a huge crisis or anything. Just something else to give myself mommy guilt over. He weaned a couple months ago of his own accord. But has recently decided he wants to change his mind about that. But now his latch is so excruciating that I won't even let him try. Again, I feel guilty about this (amazing how something so logical that in anyone else would seem like a no brainer makes me feel like evil mommy) but I don't need my nipples chewed like a dog toy in preparation for the arrival of Ari.

Bear is being treated like pond scum by all his superior officers...STILL. It is really just a difficult situation every way you look at it. And he can't talk about it to anyone since everything he does is classified. Roughly 170 days or so and this will all be over.

10 more weeks to go

2009-05-12T23:46:00.001-07:00

I think my stretch marks have stretch marks now.

A book that I look forward to reading

2009-04-04T17:18:00.000-07:00

http://namingthechild.com/

I don't have a catchy title in me today

2009-03-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Life has been going on each day. It almost seems like it is going by too fast without savoring it.

I find myself not really enjoying what is happening each day as much as I should. I have three wonderful kids. And I would say that about 50% of the time I just really enjoy this journey I am on. I enjoy watching my kids grow and mature and learn new things. You might say that is pretty good! But the other 50% of the time is when I just feel overwhelmed and like my life is in a holding pattern. A good part of the enjoyment of parenthood is being able to share the journey. The observations of daily life-personality quirks, amazing exclamations out of the blue from your kids etc. are fun whether you share them with some one or not. But they are more enjoyable when you have that person to share them with.

Bear and I have been married almost 15 years now. And without fail we always talk over the events of the day each night, even if it is only for a moment (normally it is hours of talking). That is the time I miss him most. It is late at night, all the kids are asleep and I want someone to talk over the day with. Blogging isn't a real great replacement since blogs don't offer the instant satisfaction of a conversation. Nor does a blog share how their day went either.

I am pregnant (possibly for the last time) and while I look forward to meeting this precious baby, I am not enjoying the journey of pregnancy very much. I know for plenty of women this would not be unusual. But for me it is. I typically savor these moments (although at the end of Ollie's pregnancy I was about to lose my mind from prodromal labor). I don't like that I can't seem to find that joy. I don't like that I feel like I am just waiting for her to be born, waiting for my husband to come home and meet her, waiting for this deployment to be over. I don't like that I am looking forward at what is to come and not looking at now-and what is going on. These moments are precious. Every single one should be enjoyed for what it is. But I find myself sad that I have no one to share it with.

I must say baby kicks in particular are hardest. That is something that Bear and I always shared together. He would sit next me on the couch and feel the kicks, wiggles and hiccups of our growing child. I don't know how a single mom can do it. I hate this. I miss that hand on my growing belly.

Oh, have I mentioned that....

2009-03-23T20:28:00.001-07:00

21 weeks

We are having another girl! I found out about two weeks ago but I have been neglecting the blogsphere as of late.

We thought that we saw boy parts at my earlier ultrasound. But that was just the way it looked (since all babies look kinda like boys at that point). I sent Bear all the ultrasound photos before I could scan them. But she is all girl. Woo is over the moon happy to have a baby sister to dress up with and be girly. Miss O was disappointed for about a minute and then she started to get real excited. Ollie is oblivious, he is just starting to understand the concept that there is actually a new baby coming in a few months. We picked a wonderful girl name; Arihsakwar [A - rí: - sa - kwar] Abria. Which roughly means God is my abundant strength. We will call her Ari for short.

Awesome bill pay win

2009-03-18T14:31:00.001-07:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Tired and tense

2009-03-10T20:03:00.000-07:00

I have the "big" ultrasound tomorrow. I feel so nervous. I have never, ever gone to one without my husband before. And I really hate that he can't be there to be involved. I also really hope there isn't any "bad news" since I will have the kids there (with my godmother). Sleep has been hard as of late. I don't sleep normal hours when Bear is gone, no matter how much I try. I have the kids on a relatively normal sleep schedule. But I can only sleep after about 2am.

I wonder how long it will last

2009-03-07T21:46:00.001-08:00

I have all three kids in bed!

I have been letting Ollie stay up late with me until he passes out lately. It is lazy parenting I know. But it is one less fight for me during the day to let him play and then cuddle and pass out. Of course, this means I stay up until 2am so that I have a couple minutes to myself once everyone is asleep. This isn't a good habit for ANY of us. So I am taking baby steps to remedy it.

Bear has Internet access now, so we have been IM-ing via iChat the last few days. What that man has to deal with over there...whew! Makes high school look down right tame!

We find out on Wednesday if we are having a boy or girl (Lord willing and baby cooperative). We have the boy name down, I mean we have had this name picked for years. But the girl name has been really hard for us this time. We want a name with a good meaning and that

"looks good" with our other children's names. Of course, I have found a wonderful name that starts with O again! But I won't use it because it will make the names out of whack. Poor Wooster would be the only one without an O name then. And since Bear and I agreed on 4, and not anymore (although we won't do anything permanent just yet) we won't have a chance later to have a non-O name that we are aware of.

I think Bear would go get a vasectomy now if I gave him the OK! But I don't feel that making permanent decisions like that without health factors is a very good position to have. Barring military issues our methods have worked pretty well. Of course all of the last three have been military influenced! A deployment on the horizon or a return from a long time away make us conceive it seems.

I can feel this baby move a lot more now. It is reassuring to feel and know that this baby is alive still. I found these three prayers for pregnancy that I have been using;

First Prayer during Pregnancy

Master, Lord Jesus Christ our God, Source of life and immortality, we thank Thee, that Thou hast enabled us in wedlock to become partakers of Thy blessing and gift, for Thou hast said, O Master, "Grow and multiply and you will fill the earth." We thank Thee and pray: bless this fruit of our body which Thou hast granted us, show Thy mercy upon it and enliven it with Thy Holy Spirit. Make its body to grow in health and without flaw and grant it well-formed members. Sanctify its body, mind, heart and inward parts. Grant this infant wisdom and fear of Thee; appoint a faithful guardian Angel for his soul and body. Cover, protect, strengthen and preserve the child in our womb until the very hour when Thou didst command him to be born. But do not conceal him in his mother's womb, for Thy hands have prepared him. Thou gavest him life and breath. O Lord Jesus Christ, we entrust our child into Thine all-powerful hands. Place the right hand of Thy grace upon him, sanctify him with Thy Holy Spirit and renew him for eternal life, that he may be a partaker of Thy Kingdom. Amen.

Second Prayer during Pregnancy

O all-merciful Christ our God, look upon us and preserve us, Thy servants, from fear and evil spirits, which hope to destroy the work of Thy hands. And when our hour and time will come, grant us deliverance according to Thy grace. Look upon us in Thy mercy and free Thy servants from torment. Alleviate the hardships of our pregnancy and grant us the strength and fortitude to give birth and enable this with Thine all-powerful help. For this is Thy wondrous creation, the power of Thy omnipotence, the work of Thy grace and mercy. Amen.

I haven't been using the third one yet since it is for the third trimester. But that is only a month and a half away! Eeeek!

Third Prayer during Pregnancy

Our most merciful Queen, our hope, O Mother of God, the joy of those who sorrow — help us who are weak, and pray to Thy Son, Christ our God, that He may lighten the time of our pregnancy and successfully resolve this difficult time of His unworthy servants, and that His blessing may be on the infant born of us. For we have no other help, no other hope, but only you, O Mother of God, that you may preserve and cover us and our child. For through your protection and help we are saved, and send up glory and thanksgiving for all to the One God in Trinity and the Creator of all, always, now and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

Thankful

2009-02-26T21:45:00.001-08:00

1) I was able to attend Vespers this evening. Miss O was next door with my god mother and Ollie and Woo were with me. I only had to leave the service once to change a diaper!

2) The snow while beautiful, melted for the most part before I had to drive Woo to gymnastics.

3) My belly is getting rounder so I am looking more obviously pregnant and less "fat."

4) I ordered a few books online that I am looking forward to reading.

5) My fence/dog run is finished!

6) I love, love, love my Orthodox Study bible. Reading the daily gospel and epistle readings this time if year is really cool.

7) English muffins with a over easy egg and a sausage patty-my favorite breakfast!

8) Bubble baths

9) Mr. Clean magic erasers-they are great for carpet stains

10) Warm blankets right out of the dryer on cold days.

An oldie but a goodie

2009-02-25T19:55:00.000-08:00

This is from Bear's last deployment. Miss O was about 2.5 this was taken April 2004 when Bear came home for a little while between basic and AIT to take care of me after we lost the twins. He lost so much weight in basic due to stress and exercise.

So cute, so sad

2009-02-22T23:36:00.000-08:00

Ollie was weeping incessantly while I was dealing with Miss O. So I took him aside, changed his diaper and asked why he was sad. He said; "Daddy." I asked if he missed Daddy. He nodded his little head and started to cry. He has been sick and cuddly all day. I think he was wanting some Daddy love. So I sewed up his build-a-bear that has Bear saying; "I love you very much and I miss you." (the dog ripped a seam in it's leg) Then I safety pinned a picture of Bear's head to the Teddy Bear for Ollie. I put the girls to bed and we settled on the couch to cuddle for awhile. He pushed the button to hear Bear's voice about a thousand times until he finally settled down and fell asleep clinging to it like a life preserver.

The girls went to bed with their build a bears that have Bear talking on them too. Those stuffies were NOT cheap, but they have been very useful in helping the kids during this deployment.

I don't know whether I should spank her butt or give her a hug

2009-02-22T21:14:00.000-08:00

So I just sent her to bed.

Miss O CARVED "Daddy's gone seem like forever" into my wood storage drawer unit! Then she had the audacity to say it was an "accident!" I know it wasn't an accident. And I know that she is sad. To tell me she did it is one thing, to insist it was an "accident" is another. I know she is sad and misses Daddy, but carving the furniture is not an acceptable method of expressing it. And telling me that you carved words into furniture by accident is just blatant lying.

I will talk to her about the emotional aspect of what she wrote tomorrow. Right now she needs to think about what she did and how it is wrong. And honestly I am so upset that she did it I wouldn't be very good at talking to her about it right now anyway. She asked for a tack to put something up in her room, instead she carved up the furniture.

I have a brown sharpie marker I used to make it less obvious, but she carved so deeply nothing is going to help much.

Not a happy mommy right now.

She kissed me and was in tears and asked for forgiveness. I gave her a kiss and said I forgive her. But we will talk about all this tomorrow.

(I must confess three hours later that I am more than a little impressed with her ability to figure out how to spell "forever" by herself. Spelling even basic words has been an issue for us in homeschooling so this gives me a little hope that I am getting thru to her)

Miss O's self portrait

2009-02-22T12:30:00.000-08:00

Ollie waiting for Woo during Little Gym

2009-02-22T12:27:00.000-08:00

Woo on the balance beam

2009-02-22T12:26:00.000-08:00

Wow!

2009-02-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

I want to buy Ollie some steel Tonka trucks for his birthday. But apparently they now cost several body parts to buy. Just 7 years ago I bought Miss O a steel dump truck and it cost about $15 I think. Now that SAME dump truck costs upwards of $40-60!!! And if you want a front loader you could spend up to $100!!! Looking for one used is horrible. Apparently because Tonka mostly manufactures plastic trucks the steel trucks are in high demand amongst collectors. So those guys swoop in and buy the used steel ones to add to their collections or "restore" them and sell them for $150+. This is ridiculous! The same thing happened when I was looking for a Kaya doll for Miss O. The Kaya doll is a collectors item as well because it is "native American." We were able to get the doll but I haven't found any accessories for her yet that don't cost a zillion dollars.

Why do adults have to spoil the fun for children? By becoming collectors of these toys they drive up the prices so that the kids can't hope to get them. My brothers collect toys in occasion, but they don't become so fanatical that they cause the entire market to shift into the realms of impossibility for kids to afford.

All I wanted was to get some cool Tonka vehicles for my son. I guess it is a good thing I started looking now since it could take me MONTHS to find them at a decent price.

Because I am in such a bad mood

2009-02-21T02:06:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for;

Phone calls; Bear called me this evening and I was able to talk with him, it was nice.

A sense of humor; Thursday night Woo got really sick and puked in my bed on her brothers head and he didn't wake up! I chose to find it funny rather than cry.

Cloth diapers; while I am not using them to diaper my kids at the moment they have been good for cleaning up the many messes associated with Woo's current illness.

On Demand; I watched a stand-up show by Bill Cosby this evening and had a blast, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. As a kid my parents loved to watch his stand up routines and I didn't get it, now I get it sooooo well!

A high pain threshold; I chipped a tooth earlier this week (a pre-molar) and apparently it was into the nerve and I didn't notice. Fortunately I went in to have it looked at anyway. I had pain on the right side instead of the left-migraines off and on since I chipped the tooth Tuesday, but no nerve pain. I ended up having to have a root canal started on my tooth. Apparently I should have been in a great deal of pain but I wasn't. It was weird-they were working on the left side but I felt everything (not pain but sensation) on the right. My jaw still hurts from the injection site and the hour of holding my mouth open. And I think I reminded them about 20 times not to use latex on me. I even talked around the dental dam to make sure it wasn't latex (it was). I think they missed their morning coffee.

My god parents; they baby sat the kids so I could go to the dentist and didn't bat an eye at taking care of Woo even though she was sick. I am so very thankful for them!

The fence that is being built for my dogs; it will be so nice to put them outside and leave them there for awhile.

This baby growing inside of me; it is nice to feel that life moving around and reminding me that even though aspects of life (Bear being gone) suck right now that it is temporary. By the time this baby is 6 months old Bear will be back and DONE with the military.

My front loader washer. It gets everything so clean and fresh-even things that you never thought would be the same again.

Nancy's Honey yogurt and fresh sliced bananas with a drizzle of honey on top-this is my current pregnancy craving and comfort food. When I am not pregnant I can't eat dairy, I like dairy (other than plain milk). I am enjoying as much dairy as I can have right now.

Strangeness

2009-02-20T12:21:00.000-08:00

I met my husband when I was pretty young. But I had already had quite a few relationships and done quite a few things I shouldn't have (I won't go into it, it isn't worth it).

Pregnancy causes some weird dreams. Last night I dreamt that I had stayed with my old boyfriend S. instead of marrying Bear. S. broke up with me for a really foul reason (again won't go into it). And while it broke my little heart to be treated that way, I see it was definitely for the best.

Last night i dreamt that I was with him and he was this layabout "musician" that was making me work 40+ hours a week to support us both. He kept promising to marry me but would dodge the bullet and come up with a reason not to at the last minute. We were "engaged" for 15 years in my dream. In any case I was pregnant in the dream (it is rare for me to have a weird pregnant weird which I am pregnant). But I found out I was pregnant just 4 weeks after having given birth to another baby! So effectively according to how they estimate weeks I was 4 weeks pregnant and had a 4.5 week old baby! S. was just thrilled he was virile and started working on "his band" and asked his rich parents to lend us some money. And I had 2 weeks left of maternity leave. I don't know if we had other kids or not. But I suspect we did in the dream.

I woke thanking God that I am married to Bear. I got to have a look at what life could have been like for me.

My hubby

2009-02-18T00:35:00.001-08:00

Uh, whatever

2009-02-16T21:52:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged much. I am in a bit of a funk. I am tired. And to be honest still pouting a little.

Bear is in Afghanistan now, he arrived a couple weeks ago. I sent a care package last Monday. It has been a rough couple weeks. We have spoken or emailed nearly everyday even though he has been gone for awhile up until he arrived in Afghanistan. But now the 12 hours shifts are starting and he doesn't have time to call. Plus the wait line to call is a couple hours. Not being able to talk/write each other everyday has been really hard for me.

I am about 17 weeks pregnant now. Starting to feel little wiggles here and there. It feels a little empty without Bear to share it with. I am happy about the pregnancy, the kids are pretty happy too. But it feels weird to go thru all this pregnancy without my best friend and father of this baby(all my babies, but you know what I mean). I still worry off and on how exactly I will manage to to this alone until next winter. I take a nice bath every other day to try and relax a bit, that helps. This is my first pregnancy with such low bp that I start to black out every time I bend over.

Wooster has been doing so well in her little gym class! I am so proud of her! I took some pix of her at the last class but haven't downloaded them to the mac yet. Miss O is just growing by leaps and bounds as an artist in her Monart class. Ollie is climbing everything and alternates being a little pain or the sweetest little boy you could ever know. Although he has an obsession that is a little strange and uncomfortable. He love to cuddle with me, I love to cuddle with him! But he likes to bring his HUGE STEEL Tonka truck to cuddle with while cuddling with me. Needless to say this is not a comfortable situation for me at all, especially as my belly grows larger. So I found a stuffed Monsters INC Sully truck for him to cuddle with. He still prefers the Tonka, but he will settle for the Sully truck.

Tricare has been a big issue lately. It's a long story and I will spare the details. The gist is that they were trying to force me to travel 25 miles for prenatal care and delivery. In a less populated area that could work. But this is to the North along I-5. And Ollie was born after 1.5 hours of active labor. This baby could take longer to come. But since I am taking myself to the hospital when it comes time to deliver I am not tempting fate. So our free tricare baby is now our 20% baby. It will work out and be OK, I just feel frustrated at the level of control that they are trying to place on me. Giving birth is not something that I am willing to hand the control of over to ANYONE. When it comes to prenatal care and delivery I would rather give birth in the back of my car alone than be forced to work with someone I am not comfortable with. Especially since I will have to be my own labor advocate for the most part.

Hopefully next month Bear will have Internet and we can get back to chatting online each day, or at least every other day. His back/leg are still a big problem but he is starting to feel better. I think the lack of contact with us s getting to him too. We had a video chat while he was still in Kyrgyzstan the video was awful but it was awsome to talk to him. The kids just freaked! Ollie in particular was over the moon with joy.

Next month we should find out the sex of the baby. Bear is researching good girl names for us. The boy name is SET, so we need a girl name before the ultrasound. Woo wants a sister, Ollie and Miss O want a brother. I will just be happy with a not so big healthy baby (please under 9lbs!) that doesn't tie their cord in a knot. But I would love to even out the odds for Ollie. Especially since this could be our last baby. I hope it isn't, but unless Bear finds a different career we will have to stop at 4 kids.

If you want Bear's address just send me a message and I can give you it.

Romantic?

2009-02-16T00:41:00.000-08:00

I have always heard that the movie "An Officer and a Gentleman" is this uber romantic movie. And being the masochistic person I am I decided to watch a "romantic movie" by myself after the kids were asleep the other night.

But this movie is the exact opposite of romantic. This movie is a guidebook for dysfunctional twisted relationships. Gere's character is awful. He is completely self absorbed and has virtually no endearing qualities. He thinks only of himself and stomps all over everyone else. His "friend" Sid is supposed to be the one that we think is a schmuck. But he is the most gentlemanly man in the movie! Even after his booty call girlfriend admits she isn't pregnant he wants to marry her anyway! He drops out of the academy to take care of her!

Gere's character gets into a fight with his drill instructor and we are supposed to think this is a good thing? And that ending scene that has been mimicked in many a movie/tv show thereafter isn't actually all that romantic. Sure he walks into her workplace and carries her off. But where does he take her? Back to the hotel for sex before he leaves? No, this is not a movie about love at all. I feel cheated. I should have watched LOTR instead. Or even Hidalgo. That guy loved his HORSE more than Gere's character loved the woman he was with in the movie.

I confess to having a little hissy fit!

2009-01-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

Bear leaves at some point this week and will arrive at some point in the next couple weeks at his duty station overseas. They make many stops along the way, so I am not allowed to know the route they will take.

This are pretty calm around here. We had a tremendous amount of snow last month. I was pretty much stuck at home because of our icy driveway. Bear was home for a little over a week. We took a quick trip down to Oregon and then tried to chill at home for the rest of his time.

I dropped him off on the 1st and didn't think I would see him again until he came back around our due date mid-summer. I have mentioned before my paranoia about ultrasound right? Bear asked if he could come up for our ultrasound and they granted him permission! It was wonderful. And they even let him leave early so he woke us up Thursday morning. The kids and I thought we were dreaming. They had breakfast with daddy and then my god mother came by to watch the kids so we could make our appointments. Bear and I were even able to sneak off for about 20 minutes alone before my godmother arrived.

First was our ultrasound which went SO WELL. Baby was rocking and rolling, moving hall their fingers and toes and just cooperated perfectly so we could see that they are quite healthy. They couldn't tell us for sure boy or girl, but my guess is boy. Just one baby! We really thought this would be twins, but we were wrong. Then we were able to take a quick tour of the birthing floor. Bear will be gone up until the next baby is born-so no tour for him. And taking the tour with three kids is out of the question. It was so nice that they gave us a quick tour. The rooms are really nice-big jetted tubs, big rooms, nicely lit and a nice little fold out beds for visitors.

We are playing the name game again. We have a pretty concrete boy name picked. But the girl name is still open to discussion.

I am really wondering how I am going to do this giving birth to #4 stuff alone. I am hoping that I will be able to get thru this delivery on my own without pain medication. I haven't had any pain medication before, I would like to do that again. I will have to get childcare for the three older kids I know. But I feel really guilty about leaving them for a couple days. Ollie isn't even weaned yet! I may have to work on that. A plan and decision are months from now, and I am sure a solution will arise before I know it. But I admit to a great deal of nervousness.

Friday was an exciting day! When Bear took me to the appt. he parked the car in the neighbors driveway for me (they were arrested and not home so they don't care). The low fuel light had just lit when he parked. When I tried to start the car the next day it wouldn't start. In turns out that the driveway was too steep so the engine couldn't get to the little fuel we had. To cut to the chase- I ended up having to put the car into neutral and traverse sharp right turn downhill to get onto level enough ground to get the car started. Fortunately my brother helped direct me so that I didn't drive off the little cliff to the side of our driveway. The kids were not amused by this process.

Earlier in the week I threw out my back vomiting. I didn't start feeling any better until this afternoon. A piece of advice-if there is a possibility that you will vomit DO NOT take Tums, or any other antacid. That makes for the worst alkaline tasting vomit on the face of the earth. They flavor those things so heavily because the flavor alone is SO HORRIBLE.

Bear has two herniated discs. Initially they said he was "fine" but they screwed up the positioning on his MRI so they couldn't see his injury correctly. I admit to a great deal of anger at the Army for this. He had ONE herniated disc last year, they doubled it. And they are deploying him anyway. He hasn't received any treatment since this happened 12-12-07. The base that he is going to has physical therapy available so he will have treatment once he gets there. This will be TWO MONTHS after he was first injured. God has a plan in all this. And I truly believe that this will all turn out for the best. But right now I am just worried about my hubby.

I am actually quite happy other than my husband being gone. And the kids are doing wonderfully. Miss O loves her art class. And Wooster starts little gym next Thursday. I think I will be able to keep everybody pretty busy between classes, parish life and my midwife appointments.

If you can keep us in your prayers we would appreciate it. And if you want to send Bear letters and random stuff I will have an address for him late next month.

Crazy month

2008-12-21T15:08:00.000-08:00

We have a new computer! Woo-hoo! I have an i-mac now!

It is snowing like crazy here and I haven't left the house in almost a week. The kids are going crazy.

Bear may have re-injured his back. We find out if this affects his deploy-ability on Tues.

I am pissed

2008-11-29T22:39:00.000-08:00

One of the guys in Bear's unit went off base without permission. Now no one can go off base until 12-23! The CO's were trying to "unofficially" set it up so that the guys could come home weekends. That would have been so nice! But now no one can come home weekends. We are going to try and go visit him, but it isn't going to help Bear make it to a service Sundays. There are no Orthodox services available for Bear.

And once he is back on base after Christmas break we can't visit him anymore. They are giving him a smallpox vaccination and it is a live vaccine. So it is too dangerous for Ollie (being so young) and me (being pregnant) to be around him for at least a month after he has the shot. Depending upon when he gets the shot, we may not even be able to attend his farewell ceremony!

I am ticked! And Bear is essentially in tears. I wish I could fix all this. But none of this is in my power at all.

The bear is in sub-par barracks again.

2008-11-28T17:29:00.000-08:00

I dropped off Bear this morning. At least now he is on title 10 orders and this begins his year of activation/deployment. He is in his mobilization training now. So this time next year he should be heading home. His barracks are like something out of a bad fat camp movie, or a horror film about evil summer camps. The are WWII era barracks. Initially I thought they were little individual bedrooms, instead they are big long open rooms with rows and rows of bunks. And get this.....there are TWO outlets per room! Right now he is at the airport directing the incoming soldiers to the USO area to wait until they are shuttled to the barracks.

It has been an interesting month thus far. We found out that we are pregnant with baby #4! This is a complete shock, but a welcome one. I am pretty scared at times I must confess. I need to go in and have my levels checked and have an early US scheduled to see how things are going. This is pregnancy #7 for us. I hate the idea of going in for an ultrasound alone. I still ache from the pain of going in alone to the ER March of 04 at 11 weeks and finding out our babies were dead. I try not to let myself give into fear, but there are moments of absolute terror that strike me out of the blue.

Bear did SO MUCH the week he was home!

Cleaned the gutters/roof

Raked the driveway

Cleaned the deck

Put together a new TV stand

Put together a new computer desk

Put together a new storage cabinet for our computer stuff

Shopped for gear for his deployment

Took me on a date!!! (to shop for gear, with Ollie! LOL, it was still a date to me though)

Packed his "tough box" and various bags of gear he needs

Went to catechism class with me

Cleaned his gear (Texas dirt is horrible!)

Scanned all our documents to pdf format so that they are readily available when I need them

The list could (and does) go on. He rocks!

I ordered our Thanksgiving meal from Whole Foods, I just couldn't consider cooking all day on Thanksgiving when I could cuddle on the couch with my hubby instead. All in all we had a good thanksgiving. I have a great deal to be thankful for. Life is good other than this pesky deployment. Bear is already working on coming home once the baby is born. Then I will have him for about 2 weeks! Woo-hoo!

Ergo baby carrier

2008-11-27T19:39:00.001-08:00

Win a Free Organic Embroidered Ergo Baby Carrier Hands Free System from Along for the Ride

We dropped off Bear a couple hours ago.

2008-11-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

But the highlight funny occurrence of the evening was when the kids dumped the paper shredder bin and played in the shreddings! I took pictures. I will post them later. But it was really funny. I chose to view it as funny rather than think about the tremendous mess they were making (that they mostly cleaned up, and will resume cleaning tomorrow).

This time was harder for Bear than the last few times. If you could remember him in your prayers that would be nice.

Hee hee...I'm such a dolt!

2008-10-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Haiku's are supposed to be one stanza. So what I wrote is NOT a haiku, just weird poetry! Anyway, you live you learn. You realize being stoned thru English class can bite you in the ass down the line.....

I used to write

2008-10-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

I used to write and participate in poetry readings when I was younger. I mostly wrote my poetry with the aid of...erm....non-over the counter medication of the illegal ilk. When I stopped doing that I assumed I couldn't write poetry anymore.

Today there was a challenge on an Orthodox board I am no to write Orthodox haiku's. And while my resulting Haiku is by no means perfect, it is better than I thought it would be. Here is is;

First Pascha

Before dawn we wake
Herd the children to the car
Sleepily we leave

No time to change kids
Wear your pajamas so warm
Fleece blanket your coat

We arrive nervous
This is all so very new
What are we to do?

Lights low, the room glows
As we enter quietly
Excitement runs thick

The doors are somber
The altar out of view now
The veiled mystery

Solemn procession
Round the church as the sun nears
candles glowing bright

Icy breath rises
We each shiver with delight
Together we sing

The gates are shut tight
"Who is this Savior Christ King?
Why should we believe?"

"Open for the King
Eyes and Ears can decieve you
Your heart knows not all"

Truth lies there, patient
Waiting for the words so clear
Faith the longest leap

Alone yet crowded
We each pass thru that threshold
Anticipating

The doors spring open
The priest happily runs out
To Announce the Christ

Gleeful children gaze
The priest throws petals of rose
Splashing holiness

He rose! He arose!
Christ's not in the grave!
He trampled death, death..

Thank you

2008-10-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

Whomever sent our family that gift last week, I want to say thank you very much.

Melancholy

2008-10-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

I am feeling pretty melancholy as of late. Bear will be home in ten days! Woo-hoo! But I am starting to feel pretty tired lately. Ollie has ramped up his energy quite a bit. I have dealt with many a 12-18mth old baby boy in my time since I worked in ECE for a number of years. But I have never met a more active little boy in my life. He climbs EVERYTHING. In the bath he climbs the soap dish!

I took the kids to the aquarium today and Ollie kept trying to climb into the little tidal pools for "petting" the sea creatures. He is in constant motion. And I am getting a bit tired from the chasing! Oh well, it is good for me to get up and move so much. I need to exercise.

Wooster wouldn't touch anything. It took her a good 15 minutes to work up the courage to touch the water in the tanks let alone a creature in the water. Anytime anyone suggested she touch a creature she would start to cry.

Last Sunday at Liturgy A. Miss O's godmother lent me her little baby harness for use during liturgy. We stood toward the front and Ollie wandered around the end of his toddler leash pretty contentedly. That is until he discovered the little brass outlets at the front of the church. Then he wanted to dismantle the covers to them. He only made a break for the altar once. I was pretty concerned that he would go running thru the first chance he had. It worked so well I picked up a harness to use on outings. Ollie picked the bear one, Wooster picked the monkey one. Although of all my kids Woo needs a harness the least. She is glued to my legs most of the time.

My Miss O turned 7 on Thursday! I can't believe she is so big already. I took her to the salon to have her hair washed, air waved and curled in barrel curls like Shirley Temple. She loved it. Although I must say I could have done a much better job of it on my own at home, a student at the local beauty school did it. But the fact that someone else did it made it more special for her. Then I took her to have her 7 year pictures done. She picked out a new dress just for the pictures. She looked really beautiful. I see so much of Bear and my mom in her. Sometimes I wonder if she will ever look anything like me. She has a lot of my mannerisms, if not my looks. Next year when she is 8 I will have her hair and nails done. Then when she is 9,10 and 11 a manicure, pedicure and hairstyle. Then when she is 12 a mani, pedi, facial and her hair done. Then when she is 13 she can have her hair done and mani, pedi, facial and make up done. Although she won't be able to wear full make-up on her own until she is at least 16.

Lipstick is OK at 11.
Eyeliner and lipstick at 12
Eyeliner, lipstick and mascara at 13
Eyeliner, lipstick, mascara and eye shadow at 14
Eyeliner, lipstick, mascara, eye shadow and foundation/powder at 15
Eyeliner, lipstick, mascara, eye shadow, foundation/powder and blush at 16.

She has to show me that she can use one make-up item well before she can have the next one irregardless of her age. And if she doesn't want an item she still has to wait until the pre-set age for the item that she wants to use. And concealer is just something she can have as needed, I'm not cruel ;) . But before she can even start using lipstick at 11 she has to show me that she can wash her face properly morning and evening.

I can't believe I even have to think about these things! She is my little baby. I can't imagine that she will ever be old enough for make-up.

2008-09-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

Now I know why I woke up with a feeling of dread yesterday morning.

2008-09-26T19:13:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to get some home repair work done while Bear is gone. So I have been getting quotes for repairing our little deck off the living room and some minor electrical work.

The handyman arrives to give me a quote so I unlock the deck then get the door. We go out onto the deck to talk about what work I need done and the kids follow. I don't think much of it initially. But as I am trying to get back into the house I realize that the door is LOCKED!!!!! The kids locked the door and then closed it behind them when they came out! All my harping about closing and locking doors has catastrophically backfired on me!

This is a second floor deck with no access to the ground floor. And it is about 10 feet by ten feet square. I notice that my son is only wearing a DIAPER and nothing else, I have no shoes, my eldest has no shoes/wearing a tank top and I don't have my keys or a cell. Fortunately the handyman does have his cell. I call 411 for a locksmith and they connect me with a disconnected number! I call my husband on his cell (he is in Colorado) and he gives me another number to a locksmith that isn't answering. The handyman calls a friend to try the front door, it is locked.

(Meanwhile my kids and laughing, giggling and dancing and it starts to RAIN while we are on the deck and it is in the upper 50's).

Finally the handyman has his dispatcher call for a locksmith. About 45min later the guy arrives. He tells me that because we have deadbolts he will have to drill thru them in order to get inside. He is able to drill thru my deadbolt get into my house, walk up my stairs and open the door to my deck so I can get inside. By the time he came to rescue us we have been outside for nearly 2 hours. Then I have to pay almost $400 for the lock drilling, re-keying the lock etc. I am really hoping the handyman won't charge he his hourly rate for sitting on my deck trapped. He thought Ollie was really cute, maybe that will work in our favor?

My neighbors (I really only have one house next to mine since we live in a greenbelt on a corner. And they had their own night of frustration and terror on the driveway the night before) don't speak English and I live next to the freeway (very very very loud traffic noise) so I couldn't yell for help. If we had been alone no one would have been around to help. If we had been alone without a cell I would have had to find a way to break my glass door.

Then after paying the locksmith, right as I walk up the stairs I find doggie "treats" on my stairs.

Then I have to go pay about $1000 to get my car back from the shop because my parking brake was inoperable, my rear brakes were nearly gone, the I-link had to be replaced, I had a failed seal on a front axle and my transmission needed to be flushed ASAP. I went in for a $50 oil change and ended up with a $1000 repair. Our driveway is about a 35-45 degree angle, so I have to have that parking brake.

It is sort of funny. But most of me just wanted to scream. Maybe in about 5 years this will be hilarious....right?

Random photos

2008-09-21T12:30:00.000-07:00

Wooster during a neb treatment

Ollie in Bear's helmet

Sinks are apparently very fun! As I have mentioned before; he loves to climb into the bathroom sink. I am also constantly taking all oral hygiene products away from him-toothpaste, toothbrushes, mouthwash, floss-you name it. If it is a dental product he wants to have it in his mouth. Future dentist maybe

Miss O has been so good lately I haven't taken any photos for blackmail later. But next week I will be taking her 7 year pictures! And the pictures of her in the helmet didn't' turn out very good.

Ack! Wooster takes after me too much sometimes

2008-09-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

On the way to my godparents house I noticed clumps of hair in the kitchen sink. It wasn't curly enough to be Miss O's and quite frankly Ollie is pretty much bald. So I asked Wooster if she had cut her hair. She says; "Yeah, I pretty." And then she shows me where she chopped not one but TWO big chunks out of her bangs. I have been growing the girls hair out since birth. Cultivating their bangs in particular so that they look good while growing while not being too annoying. I cut their hair whenever they want. And Miss O has never cut her hair. This is a new one for me. I am contemplating giving Woo a pixie cut. But then I would have to start all over again with the rest of her hair. I don't know, what do you guys think? The photo is of her hair after I fixed it. I can only part it to the once side. There is a rectangle of hair in her bang area that is about 1/2 an inch long. Before I fixed it she looked like she had mange. While I haven't cut hair in the workplace n years. I do enjoy doing it. Maybe she takes after me?

Deceptively Delicious

2008-09-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

I picked up this recipe book today. It looks promising. Now all I need is a food processor and a steamer. Wish me luck!

La la la..I don't sleep, I'm a dirty old woman.

2008-09-19T02:43:00.001-07:00

It is almost 3 in the morning...and I can't sleep. I think I need to start up the rum and coke nightcap again soon. I'm not pregnant, and Ollie won't nurse again for a couple hours. Now who do I call for rum delivery? Ooh, or maybe a nice delivery of chocolate.

Oh well, Tylenol PM is my new best friend.

Emotional flagellation

2008-09-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

I have seen a few really good movies lately.

About a month ago the girls wanted to watch Penelope. I have to say that is a wonderful movie. You all owe it to yourselves to watch it.

A week ago I practiced my own form of emotional flagellation. I love the occasional weepy chick flick and Bear won't watch chick flicks. So I decided to watch "P.S I love you" after the kids were asleep. It is a wonderful movie and I really enjoyed it. And since the principal plot point is the death of the main characters husband, the kids wouldn't deal well with it. I literally cried for the first hour or more of the movie. Not a gentle delicate little feminine cry. The oozing out of every part of your face cry. I think ultimately it was good for me to have a good cry. I haven't had a good cry for a long time. But next time I will use a little less heart wrenching movie to do it with, maybe something more like "Riding in Cars with boys" or a WWII documentary. At least there is an upside to those movies.

The kids and I just finished "Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium." Cute, random little flick. I don't think I will be watching it again. It was pretty good, but not enough so to hold up to a repeat viewing.

Interesting day

2008-09-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

My day has been full of...well....shit. I don't need to explain further, those of you that know me well know what I mean. If you don't know, don't bother to ask-you don't want to know. Heck, I wish I didn't know what I meant!

I am very happy to say I was able to get gas for $3.019 a gallon today! Woo-hoo! Hooray for Safeway gas rewards! I haven't paid this low an amount for a fill up since we had our little Subaru!

Miss O has an interesting sense of humor

2008-09-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

Miss O decided to "help" her brother play a joke on me to make me laugh.

I found Ollie standing next to his poopy diaper on the toilet lid.

"Mommy! Ollie pooped on the potty!"

We use cloth diapers that are pinned with a special locking safety pin, so I know that he didn't do it himself. And the fact that the pin was neatly poked into an unsed tissue roll was the icing on the cake.

It did make me laugh though.

I did take a picture, but I will spare you and not post it.

Earlier this week Ollie decided that the perfect place to sit was in the bathroom sink. I have a few pix of him in the process of climbing in and on another day-him sitting in it happily.

Boys are soooooooooo different. Nurture versus nature is a complete load of crap.

Inferiority

2008-09-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

For some reason women continually compare themselves to each other.

Either we do so to prove we are superior or inferior. It is this silent language of estrogen. The over the shoulder appraisals, the acute listening...

And within Christianity one would think this is better. But unfortunately I have found it to be worse. I am so guilty of comparing myself to other women. Mostly I do so to prove to myself how inferior I am. And I am much worse about it now than I was before I had children, or really even when I only had one child.

I feel guilty that I don't have these big long deep thoughts on Scripture and mommy/homemaker tips. I am sure that I do have some shortcuts that others would find useful. But it doesn't seem like it is worth even bothering to me. I know that I am actually fairly knowledgeable of my faith and I could share a great deal. And in all honesty, I believe the one thing I have a fairly good handle on is being a wife. I am by no means perfect, you can ask Bear! But thus far no one has slept on the couch, there has only been one case of flying objects, and my husband says he really likes me!

But I don't feel that I can take any credit for the successes I have. I have no problem owning up to my shortcomings. I tend to lapse on the folding part of laundry, I don't cook every meal from scratch and lately I haven't been cloth diapering much. That has to be one of the things I feel the most guilty about. I know that the impact of each diaper is horrendous. I know that the temporary convenience of those disposable diapers has an environmental impact that will last until the time of my great grandchildren and longer. But I feel overwhelmed with all the other little duties of life as a single mommy. Just the help of my husbands evenings and weekends is enough to make cloth diapering not very daunting. I feel guilty when I admit that I don't cloth diaper. And yet I don't judge those that never have cloth diapered.

I was watching the old version of Pride and Prejudice today. And to see Miss Bingley and how she sneered at those beneath her with the striking contrast of Miss Jane was amazing. It is of course a movie, and those are characters, overblown and dramatic versions at that. But there is so much truth in them. And then there is Miss Elizabeth. She tends to be a mix of both the aforementioned women, but not in the way she should be. I have been reading the book lately. And I find it really convicting. Elizabeth both loves and hates her position in society, she both loathes and envies those in a higher position.

I think that we as women all have have to struggle with both envy and superiority to other women. I wonder seriously about women that "schedule" their kids, potty train their one year old, start feeding solids because it is "fun," obsess over the latest fashion, gossip and the like. I confess to my own struggles with feelings of superiority to other women. I believe that what I am doing is right, and on occasion that seeps over into my views of other women. I wish I could be guileless like Jane. But I am not quite like Miss Bingley either. I think I am closer to Elizabeth, I think most women are.

I am envious of other women. I will readily admit it. I see other women that keep their homes cleaner, make every meal from scratch, host numerous bible studies, have perfect hair, lose the baby weight immediately, wake up at 6am to work out... The list can, and does go on and on and on.

But I look at my life and I realize that the view I have of myself is distorted. My eldest tells me that I am "the best mommy in the world," my husband tells people "my wife and I have an unusual relationship, we actually really like each other alot." I have my younger daughter cuddle up to me with a look of love and trust that makes my eyes water. And the smile that Ollie gives me daily is enough to show me he is a happy child. Our children pray and desire to read about the saints, church fathers and scriptures. My house isn't perfectly clean all the time. I don't look forward to getting home and having everything perfect once I get home from vacation. I still have to fold my clothes in one big bunch because I put it off over and over until I have no choice. But I also let my kids have a great amount of fun. We dance around the house, I am a pretty silly mom. And in the future my silliness will likely be an embarrassment. But for now that silliness makes me "the best mom in the world" to my kids, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

So I need to focus on my own struggles and sins rather than others. But more so, I need to really focus on what I do right and continue to do it. Because if I focus too much on what I need to "fix" about myself I will inevitably let the things that I do well lapse. Life is a beautiful gift, and God in his infinite wisdom made me the woman I am-failings and skills. And if I didn't continue on doing those things I do well, and cultivate them to even more success in addition to pulling the weeds and brambles of my sins-the beautiful fruit of what I do have right will wither and rot away.

Life the universe and anuses

2008-09-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

Ollie has a new diaper changing habit that drives me nuts. The second I take off his diaper his finger goes straight up his anus. You would think his favorite toy is up there!

I had to seek some financial help to get us thru this month. I was able to have assistance on half or mortgage, and enough grocery cards to get us thru a couple weeks. And DFAS is scheduled to pay us on the 15th! Woo-hoo!

My mom came up over the weekend to visit and then go to the Fair with the kids and I on Monday. Military appreciation Mondays are awesome! I didn't have to pay admission. Miss O had been looking forward to going to the Fair this year since we went last year. Her first question upon leaving is always; "When can we go again?" She went on rides with me, and rides with Wooster. I really didn't think that Wooster would go on any rides. That kid doesn't like "scary" fun. I went on some pretty raucous rides with Miss O. I don't like anything that goes upside down, or involves having no floor beneath my feet, so Miss O didn't get to go on some of the rides she really wanted to go on. But seeing her wrap her arm around her sister protectively has they went on the Kiddie Coaster was enough to make me tear up.

I had a license scare. While trying to renew our car tabs/plates (cough...robbery..cough) I found out my drivers license expired almost two months ago! Eeek! I was able to go renew it the next day. My brother Totoro Man watched the girls so I could go with one kid rather than 3. The photo on my license is horrible of course. I was laughing and moving away as she took it because Ollie was pulling a rope divider and plant onto his head at that moment.

I also had to replace the doorknob on the girl's bedroom door. It was locking them in their room. I felt very "handy" that day.

Wooster is having a really hard time as of late. H her Godmother is in AZ, Baba is in CO and her grandma came and left recently. So she has been an emotional basketcase this week.

Today is pretty mellow. I need to clean, do laundry and go grocery shopping.

Gone baby gone, my love is gone

2008-09-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

We dropped off Bear Sunday. His flight ran about a half hour late. But he made his connecting flight in time.

He has a nice hotel room to himself for the next 6-7 weeks. And the training isn't all we thought it would be. Which is good. Of course, being MI training he can't tell me anything. But that is fine, I trust he won't do anything ethically/morally wrong.

The last few days have been rather dramatic here. The military has yet to pay Bear. His sign on bonus was scheduled for last week, and we have yet to receive it. The way it works is that they schedule your payment on a website you can access. So I have been checking that website daily for almost a month waiting for his next paycheck to show up. Finally yesterday I sought out financial assistance from the army. I hate to do that. I in general hate to ask for help of any kind. But the assistance I sought isn't the instant kind. So I can't wait until the day before I need it to ask for it. One type of assistance has been approved, I am waiting on the other. The second type is the one I desperately need.

I am really trying to wait patiently on the Lord. I know that He cares for us and that we are not forgotten. But at times like this I falter. I wonder if I am insane to place my hope in something I can't "see." I can't see the assistance I need float to me on a cloud. God doesn't work like that often. Our help will likely come thru a very ordinary vehicle. You hear about checks on the doorstep for thousands of dollars, or a mysterious check from a stranger in the mail. All these dramatic things...Or the family member that is rich and gives you a car, a house payment, a gift of $1000 to buy whatever, family that pays for you to go to school...the list goes on and on. But I can't expect that to happen. I can't "live by faith" to the extent that it takes one of those miraculous events to get me out of the hole I dug for myself. So I had to ask for help. And if Bear isn't paid soon I will have to investigate other avenues of assistance in addition to the ones I already applied for. And since I am a military wife I need to seek the help of the military angles first, that is after all what they are there for.

All that trauma and drama aside. We are all actually quite happy here as of late. I am sad that Bear is gone. But I am sooooo happy that he is actually eating and sleeping. In Yakima they didn't seem to care if he was able to do that. The kids are doing really well. I have the house mostly clean. I can see my kitchen table! Woo-hoo! I need to work on laundry, but that is a never ending task. I can't expect laundry to wash/dry/fold and put away itself! Not THAT would be a major selling point to me for laundry care. Well, not really. I think if my bra was able to to all the aforementioned I wouldn't want it holding up the girls....creepy! Especially if your jeans talked; "Excuse me, you have been wearing me for three days. I really need to go clean myself." Bear will wear his ACU's for a couple days before he washes them. I will give him credit though, he does wear a layer under them that he changes daily.

We went to deception pass last Friday. It was rainy and beautiful. Ollie loved the waves. He kept running headlong into the waves. Bear would have to grab him before the water went over his head. He laughed and giggled and splashed...he loved the beach. He was absolutely soaked within moments of our arrival. I took about 400 pictures in the hour we were there! Of course Bear didn't have a chance to take any pix of me since he was keeping Ollie from leaping into the ocean and I was snapping so many pix.

Rain

2008-08-27T00:48:00.000-07:00

Is there any sound in the world that is as beautiful yet lonely as rainfall on the roof?

The sound of your child crying for the first time is so beautiful. They are sad/upset that they have been wrenched from their warm home of 9+ months. But that first cry always makes me laugh and cry with joy. Sadness that produces joy. I truly hope that the sadness of this deployment will later bring us much joy. I pray that we will see the benefit in this separation someday. For now it is just heartrending.

I picked up a couple books for Bear and I to read concurrently.

Aflame: Ancient wisdom on marriage by Sam and Bethany Torode

and

Love Never Ends: Growing together in Marriage and Faith by Robert and Jeanette Lauer

My hope is that while we will be apart physically, thus can't share physical intimacy, that we can work on our emotional and spiritually intimacy. Sex is great, but it is the icing on the cake, the dessert at the end of the meal. If that is all you have it will rot your marriage from the inside out. A cavity left unchecked can eventually kill a person. And a marriage that isn't tended carefully will rot from the inside out.

I hope to later pick up:

Marriage as a Path to Holiness: Lives of Married saints

and

The Sacrament of Love: The Nuptial Mystery in the Light of Orthodox Tradition

My stalling and denial have to stop eventually

2008-08-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

Well Bear is leaving again on the 31st for 44 days. I have been stalling writing a blog about it because I didn't want him to go. Denial didn't work, he is in fact going.

He is training in the mountains of Colorado. Hopefully it is all related to his MI work. Maybe he will have to do LTT, maybe not. Hopefully they won't make him do live tissue training since it is of absolutely no bearing on his MOS.

We scoped out a beautiful parish for him to go to while he is there. That is if they give him Sundays off like they say they will. I am not holding my breath for that to happen.

I bought tickets for my mom to come up by train the 5-9th. Miss O is really looking forward to going to the fair this year. And bless their little hearts, the fair has free military Mondays! So I won't have to pay admission, just for rides, food, drinks and air....It will still cost a lot to go. Just one leg, no arm.

Our PC is on it's last legs. It will soon come down with the blue screen of death, never to recover. As I have contemplated it's demise, I have thought about how best to replace it. And I think we will get an iMac when the time comes. I just hope that we will have the cash for that once that is necessary. Our monitor is already dead. And buying a PC with Vista is out of the question. So getting an iMac is our best bet. Heck! We can even run Windows on a Mac now! I just hope we can find a way to buy a replacement before I lose 7+ years of photos, writings and music.

Last week was absolutely horrible. I can't even explain how many things went horribly awry. But a cliff notes version is this;

Miss O had vacation church school

Tuesday while running errands Wooster collapses on me.

We took her to a doctor (not a pediatrician since none of them had an opening).

She has an ear infection and is prescribed antibiotics.

The next day she was incapable of breathing unless I had her in a steamy bathroom.

We took her to the doctor and she was prescribed an inhaler with a spacer and mask.

I went to the pharmacy to pick it up.

They inform me that;

a) Insurance covers the inhaler and mask

b) But insurance doesn't cover the spacer, so please pay us $50.

I freak, $50 is alot of money!

So I call her doctor to have something worked out so she can actually breathe

(imagine that! a child need to breathe!)

After about an hour going back and forth (all while Wooster is gasping for breath) the insurance company that does our prescriptions says that my medical insurance should pay for the spacer.

Pharmacy tries to do that and it doesn't work.

I find out that insurance will cover a nebulizer (cost $200+) but not a spacer (cost $50)

So I call and request a change of prescription to a neb rather than and inhaler.

They say they will get right on it. (Wooster still gasping for air, it is not 3pm)

About 6pm I call and wonder why nothing has been done.

Doctor is busy, but wonderful-savior-pediatrician does the paperwork to have a neb delivered to my home...................at midnight!

Bear gets his orders for Colorado a mere week and a half before he has to be there. No packing list, no definitive time when he has to fly out, and it is supposed to start on...snort....Labor Day. Yeah right! Like the military will do anything on a federal holiday!

Have I mentioned that Wednesday-Thursday pretty much sucked?

Then Miss O gets sick Friday.

And Woosters beloved god-mother left on Monday. It is good for H to be able to have this opportunity, but it sucks for Woo time-wise.

But the good news is that Woo is doing much better and Bear's civilian employer paid him so the mortgage was only 3 weeks late! Woo-hoo!

Cuz the military doesn't think we need to be paid more than $1100 this month apparently. And those lovely people in charge give him his orders in increments so that they don't have to pay our insurance or full housing allowance. So I don't need to be protected by the soldiers and sailors act and have our interest reduced or anything like that apparently. I should be happy that we are being mistreated once again by the military...right? Don't you see my happy little smile? I should be happy right? I should be happy that I have to pay all our bills late right?

You would think more SPOUSES would go crazy and kill a bunch of military bureaucrats from my experience. I'm going to need antipsychotics at the rate they are going here soon.

And our car insurance went up again by about $110. Last time it was because I hit a tree. (yeah right, good excuse) This time it is because other people in my state had so many claims. And it is scheduled to go up again in May because they just want to make sure they have enough revenue coming in. USAA apparently had a 17% reduction in policy holders recently (wonder why?) so everyone else has to pay more to make up for it. But if I were to have more accounts with them I could get a bigger discount! Crazy part? Technically my overall rate is several hundred dollars lower than last time. But my discounts are less this time. Whatever....my head hurts from arguing an hour with them.

So, if you made it this far, I apologize for my generally bad attitude/mood. Forgive me. Writing this out is cathartic for me. Heaven knows Bear doesn't need me to vent my spleen on him!

I shall leave you with a cute picture! Ollie hasn't done this....yet.

Mmmm crispy!

2008-08-11T14:30:00.000-07:00

My car was smelling a little different lately. Nothing too bad, and it went away quickly. Since we live in the great green NW I figured it was normal. We had been out of windshield wiper fluid for awhile so I decided to pick some up on a recent shopping excursion. After I herd the kids inside I pop the hood to add the fluid. What do I find? A dead, crisp RAT!!! I quickly ran to get Bear and he took care of it. I am so glad that he was home to take care of this. It was STUCK to the engine of my car!!! Oh! How incredibly disgusting. I won't even describe the sound that it made as my husband used two sticks to lift it chopstick-style....

Woo-hoo!

2008-08-07T11:45:00.000-07:00

My husband is home! I am so happy! Ollie just kept smiling at his dad on the drive home until he fell asleep. Wooster was really shy at first, and Miss O was talking his ear off. We actually managed to have a few moments alone last night! Double woo-hoo!! Today the kids are doing surprisingly well considering Bear is gone for the day.

The Bear-man cometh

2008-08-05T19:36:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow at a to-be-determined-time I will pick up Bear. I am really looking forward to seeing him again. I can't wait. It will be so nice to reach my leg over in the night and feel his hairy leg rather than four sweaty little girl legs. I really wish I could know when I am picking him up. I like to plan these sort of things. But I will just have to wait for the phone call at some random time (likely in the middle of a diaper change I am sure) to say that I need to go pick my husband up.

I took Wooster to her 3 year check up today. She is 3 feet tall and weighs a whopping 29 pounds. She doesn't talk very much, her sister tends to try and do it for her. But that isn't a concern at this point.

I have to say that the death of Solzhenitsyn is leaving me much sadder than I thought it would. I think to some degree it is the fact that he was/is an Orthodox Christian. I have to wonder if some of the seeds of my conversion we started by reading some of his works. Maybe I will write more about my thoughts on this later.

My brothers have always loved the book "The brothers Karamazov." I had read some of it years and years ago when I initially noticed my brother Wenatchee's interest in the book. Recently I picked up a really good new translation of the book. And I have to say that it is more "Orthodox" than I ever thought it was. I was always aware back then, that Dostoevsky was not only quite Russian but also quite Orthodox in mindset. But nearly every page alludes to some aspect of Orthodoxy. It is such a sad and yet uplifting story. I had to stop reading because it was getting to me-with my husband leaving I was feeling down enough without reading the sadness of the story. I really do need to pick it back up again soon.

We are going to take Miss O to a Vacation Church School at another parish here in our city soon. It will be interesting to see how she does. She really loved learning about Orthodoxy. She already has the Lords prayer memorized. And we are currently working on the symbol of faith (creed). At this point I am more nervous than she is that she will be going to a parish where she doesn't know anyone.

So the above even on the horizon has started me on a new and quite random interest: Bento boxes.

I remember watching "My neighbor Totoro" and watching Satsuki make her lunch to take to school. I couldn't find any stills of that, so here are some cute shots from the movie.
It was a really cute movie and the idea of taking chicken teriyaki as a lunch-or really anything with rice and sauce is really appealing to me. In any case, the thought that my baby will be away most of the week and I need to send her with a lunch got me to thinking about a lunchbox for her. And with all the concerns about BPA's and various other dangers in your average luchbox, I wanted to be sure I got her a safe lunchbox-which then had me thinking about healthy foods which then had me thinking about Totoro and Satsuki-then to bento boxes. Viola! A little insight into my random thought generator called a brain.

There is such a history of obesity and diabetes. I want to make sure my kids eat really healthy, I guess that is one of the many benefits of homeschooling. But I need to send her something other than "lunchables"

Which looks tastier to you?

This?
Or this?

I will go for the second one myself. I am drooling already.

2008-08-03T19:09:00.001-07:00

more cat pictures

Memory eternal!

2008-08-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

Alexandr Solzhenitsyn

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1103ap_obit_solzhenitsyn.html

http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,496211,00.html

May his memory be eternal! Such a wonderful writer.

Christ our eternal King and God, You have destroyed death and the devil by Your Cross and have restored man to life by Your Resurrection; give rest, Lord, to the soul of Your servant Alexandr Solzhenitsyn who has fallen asleep, in Your Kingdom, where there is no pain, sorrow or suffering. In Your goodness and love for all men, pardon all the sins he has committed in thought word or deed, for there is no man or woman who lives and sins not, You only are without sin. For You are the Resurrection, the Life, and Repose of Your servant Alexandr Solzhenitsyn, who has departed this life, O Christ our God; and to You do we send up glory with Your Eternal Father and Your All-holy, Good and Life-creating Spirit; both now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen

Knock on wood

2008-08-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

"When Saint Helen, mother of Emperor Constantine the Great, visiting the Holy Land and seeking the True Cross upon which Jesus was crucified, found the Precious and Life-Giving Cross, the Cross was venerated by all the faithful in many public processions. Many faithful would come to touch the Holy Cross for blessing and healing. It was customary to touch the Wood of Life three times (as a confession of faith in the Holy Trinity). This act of touching the True Cross became the earliest recorded histories of "knocking on wood." This history, alas, has nothing to do with the Rosary since the Rosary is a much later innovation. Whenever the Holy Cross was put forth for public veneration, touching it, or as English translations render it "knocking," became common liturgical practice. Once the Holy Cross was transferred to Constantinople and placed in the Great Church of the Holy Wisdom (aka Saint Sophia), Christians continued this piety by touching or knocking on any cross or crucifix (wood was the medium of the day) for blessings and healings. This ancient tradition has been with us for over 1,600 years and has been a pious tradition to this day where people tend to touch anything made of wood ... but all interpretations of this behavior point back directly to Jerusalem in the 4th century AD and the True Cross. No doubt, wooden prayer beads may have become a customary item for similar veneration, but historically much later." Prof Anastasios Zavales Phd ThD Ecumenical Patriarchate Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of the USA

The veneration of Mary isn't as offensive to Protestant reformers as I was led to believe

2008-08-02T03:10:00.000-07:00

Martin Luther on the Mother of God
http://orrologion.blogspot.com/2006/01/martin-luther-on-mother-of-god.html
by Dr. Alexander Roman

A Lutheran acquaintance recently pointed out to me the great veneration that Martin Luther had for the Blessed Virgin Mary throughout his life. Luther believed that the Theotokos remained a Virgin always:
"Christ . . . was the only Son of Mary, and the Virgin Mary bore no children besides Him . . . 'brothers' really means 'cousins' here, for Holy Writ and the Jews always call cousins brothers." (Sermons on John, chapters 1-4, 1537-39).

Luther also called Mary the "Mother of God": "God says . . .'Mary's Son is My only Son.' Thus Mary is the Mother of God. (ibid.)

"God did not derive his Divinity from Mary; but it does not follow that it is therefore wrong to say that God was born of Mary, that God is Mary's Son, and that Mary is God's Mother . . . She is the true Mother of God and Bearer of God . . . Mary suckled God, rocked God to sleep, prepared broth and soup for God, etc."

"For God and man are one person, one Christ, one Son, one Jesus, not two Christs . . .just as your son is not two sons . . . even though he has two natures, body and soul, the body from you, the soul from God alone. (On the Councils and the Church, 1539).

Martin Luther also had this to say about the veneration of the Theotokos:

"The veneration of Mary is inscribed in the very depths of the human heart." (Sermon, September 1, 1522).

"She is the highest woman and the noblest gem in Christianity after Christ . . . She is nobility, wisdom and holiness personified. We can never honour her enough." (Sermon, Christmas, 1531).

And what, according to Luther, is the relation of the Theotokos to us? "It is the consolation and super abundant goodness of God, that man is able to exult in such a treasure. Mary is his Mother, Christ is his Brother, God is his Father. (Sermon, Christmas, 1522).

"Our prayer should include the Mother of God . . . What the Hail Mary says is that all glory should be given to God, using these words: 'Hail Mary, full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee, Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb, Jesus Christ. Amen!" You see that these words are not concerned with prayer but purely with giving praise and honour. We can use the Hail Mary as a meditation in which we recite what grace God has given her. Second,we should add a wish that everyone may know and respect her . . .(Personal Prayer Book, 1522). John Calvin and other Protestant Reformers also maintained that the Virgin Mary is "Mother of God." A number even included the "Hail Mary" prayer at the beginning of their liturgies. A number of Lutheran theologians after Luther himself continued to use prayer beads to count both the Our Father and the Hail Mary prayers.The relationship of Lutheranism to Orthodoxy is an interesting one. The "Confession of Dositheus" was developed to oppose Protestantism. However, when Luther himself went to debate with Roman Catholics, he actually defended Eastern Orthodoxy as the Church of Christ's "better half." (That is apparently the origin of that popular term.)

At the time of the Second World War, a Ukrainian Byzantine-Rite Lutheran Church developed in Western Ukraine. These were former and disaffected Ukrainian Catholics. They made a number of attempts to adapt some of the Eastern Rite to their Lutheran worship and even produced a Ukrainian Lutheran "Sluzhebnik" or Service Book with a special liturgy. I am in touch with a Lutheran Pastor in Germany who is currently collecting information about Ukrainian Lutherans. There is also a "Lutheran-Rite" and independent Orthodox Church in the U.S. called the "Evangelical Catholic Church." While not accepted by mainstream Orthodoxy, this group is formed from former Lutherans of German background. They try to keep some elements of their Lutheran heritage, but maintain that Martin Luther was, in fact, trying to focus the Reformed Christians of his day toward the Orthodox Church. Something similar happened with the Czech hero and martyr, Jan Hus, about whom Taras Shevchenko wrote in his poem, "The Heretic." Hus also became a central figure in the Pan-Slavic movements of the nineteenth century. Martin Luther declared Hus "My saint."After Hus was burned at the stake on 6 July 1415, the University of Prague declared him a martyr and saint. The Czech churches, separated from Rome, began painting his image in churches and erecting statues to him everywhere. An Englishman, John Payne, was interested in the reforming ideas of Hus and came to Prague. He was soon led to Orthodoxy and went to Constantinople where he was consecrated Bishop with the name "Constantine Anglikos."

He returned to Prague and was Bishop to the Orthodox Czechs who became Orthodox under the inspiration of Jan Hus! This has also been studied by Russian Orthodox theologians who maintain the conclusion that Hus was preaching the values of Orthodoxy that had been lost under Roman Catholicism: married clergy, Scriptures in the national language, Communion in both kinds etc.The friend of Hus, Jerome of Prague, left the Czech lands and travelled in Eastern Europe. He received Orthodoxy and was baptized in Latvia. He returned to Prague where he was also burned as a heretic on 30 May 1416.

There is interest in his possible glorification as an Orthodox saint by the Czech Orthodox Church. His Orthodox baptismal certificate has been located in Latvia. More study is forthcoming on this topic and also on the relationship between Luther, Lutheranism and Orthodoxy. ...

http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/general/veneration_mary.aspx

http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/inquirers/evervirgin.aspx

Having a conversation with a sleepwalker is like having a conversation with an Alzheimers patient

2008-07-29T00:22:00.001-07:00

Oheo is sleep walking. When she sleepwalks she wanders around talking, whining and scratching her belly. Here is a sampling of what she says;

"I know I have got to do something.....but I don't think I can. See, they have everything! Look! (pointing at the bathtub) a surprise!"

The above is actually one of the most discernible conversations I have had with her. Typically it is a lot of stuttering, mumbling and crying.

In case anyone wants to know what I look like

2008-07-29T00:08:00.000-07:00

This is me in 2002 with my waist length hair and my eldest daughter when she was 5 months. I have always loved this picture.

This is Bear (with hair!!), Oheo and I in 2002. Now his hair would be about 1/2 long on top, 1/8 inch long on the side and over 50% silver. I can't wait until he can grow his hair out again. 2010 will be a big year for hair growth around here.

If I can get my tat next month I will post a picture of it. Hopefully we can do it.

11 more days until my husband is back for a couple months before he is gone for a year....

2008-07-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

The dog ate my sling! This will make Liturgy and coffee hour rather difficult! Not to say that they are very easy to begin with. But this will make it close to impossible. So I bit the bullet and bought another pouch sling. I have my moby wrap and my ergo, but they aren't real great with a toddler that wriggles.

Here is the sling I ordered (although obviously the Caucasian in the photo is NOT me)

Ollie was well behaved just long enough for me to have the Eucharist yesterday. I spent most of Liturgy with him in the Narthex or outside because he was so loud and busy. There was a really big birthday party for a parishioner yesterday. He is really one of those "heart of the parish" kind of people. He is 80 years old now. The girls had a blast. Ollie was angry that I left him with someone long enough to get him some food.

Did I mention that a couple weeks ago he scraped his toes thru a cake at a wedding reception? Fortunately I was able to scrape and make it look a bit better. But I was really embarrassed. There was a couple from New York at the Liturgy for a visit. They were really interesting characters. The man sounded just like "the Godfather" that raspy/breathy thickly new-york accented speaking voice ect. They were a lovely couple, cradle Orthodox that were surprised and happy to visit a mostly convert parish. I guess they knew our priest thru someone else.

The army has NOT issued my husband a radio so he was forced to use his cell to make/receive literally dozens and dozens of calls a day. He is in charge of an "ammo dump" so he has to schedule when people pick up their ammo, and when they bring back all the casings and such. So we ended up going over on our minutes by a good amount. We have 1000 minutes each month to use outside out "5 fav's" and typically we only use about 200 minutes at the max. At 35 cents a minute for overages....ack! T-mobile gave us some "bonus minutes" to get him thru until the billing cycle was renewed. And I am fairly sure they shaved a few minutes off also. But in any case it is a definite financial blow. And there is absolutely NO hope that the Army will reimburse us.

We found out a little more about Bear's mission. I can't say I am happy about it. It could mean that he will be out of all contact with us for a month at a time during his deployment. I am feeling pretty down about that. I love to speak with him every night. And to think that we won't be able to is really heartbreaking. I hold out a grain of sand of hope that he will be reassigned to the rear detachment. But I know that is practically impossible at this point. I can hope, I can pray. But ultimately God has a plan and I can't see what that is, I just need to trust in Him.

I suppose if God can create the heavens and the earth that He is more than qualified to take care of our little family. I need to trust, even when I feel like I am looking into the abyss of the unknown.

"O Lord, You who steadied the hand of Peter as he began to sink on the stormy sea, if you are with me, no one is against me. Grant to me the shield of faith and the mighty armor of the Holy Spirit to protect me and guide me to do Your will. The future I put into Your hands, O Lord, and I follow You to a life in Christ. Amen."

2008-07-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

more cat pictures

Target

2008-07-25T21:46:00.001-07:00

This evening I took the kids to Target to pick up a few odds and ends.

During the last walk thru the aisle before we went to check out all three kids started singing the Trisagion!

"Holy God
Holy Mighty
Holy Immortal
Have mercy on us." x3

"Glory to the Father and to the Son and Holy spirit, not and ever and unto ages of ages Amen. Holy Immortal have mercy on us."

At first I was rather embarrassed. I mean, that isn't typically something you hear small kids do in this large liberal city. And we had a few odd looks shot our way. But I don't want to raise our kids to be ashamed of their zeal for their faith. So for now I sing along, I am sure that in the future they will be too "cool" to do stuff like that anymore. I will enjoy it for now.

I am 30 tomorrow!

My in-laws sent me my birthday present and I opened the box today. Inside were 4 books. But I will mention only one; The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy, and ‘Women’s Work.’ This book is small as it is really just a lecture in print form. But it is a real gem. I suggest to all men and women that you read this book. It is written by a Catholic lady. And she has another book coming out in September that I really want to pick up it's called; "Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life."

I have to confess that I often struggle with acedia.

This is what Evagrius Ponticus has to say about acedia in his Praktikos

"THE demon of acedia, which is also called the noonday demon, is the most burdensome of all the demons. It besets the monk at about the fourth hour (10 am) of the morning, encircling his soul until about the eighth hour (2 pm).

First it makes the sun seem to slow down or stop moving , so that the day appears to be fifty hours long.

Then it makes the monk keep looking out of his window and forces him to go bounding out of his cell to examine the sun to see how much longer it is to 3 o’clock, and to look round in all directions in case any of the brethren is there.

Then it makes him hate the place and his way of life and his manual work It makes him think that there is no charity left among the brethren; no one is going to come and visit him.

If anyone has upset the monk recently, the demon throws this in too to increase his hatred

It makes him desire other places where he can easily find all that he needs and practice an easier, more convenient craft After all, pleasing the Lord is not dependent on geography, the demon adds; God is to be worshipped everywhere.

It joins to this the remembrance of the monk’s family and his previous way of life, and suggests to him that he still has a long time to live, raising up before his eyes a vision of how burdensome the ascetic life is.

So, it employs, as they say, every [possible] means to move the monk to abandon his cell and give up the race.

NO other demon follows on immediately after this one but after its struggle the soul is taken over by a peaceful condition and by unspeakable joy"

http://www.amazon.com/Acedia-Me-Marriage-Monks-Writers/dp/1594489963/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I3PNKZILLL81N1&colid=1BPBB6Z8UEWT8

So much and yet to little

2008-07-21T18:59:00.001-07:00

I have been keeping myself quite busy as of late. I rarely give myself much time to sleep to be perfectly honest. Yet I can't think of much to blog about.

Bear has been encountering more and more rattlesnakes. I guess I should be concerned, but I'm not. I know he is too smart to try and pull a crocodile hunter or Bear Grylls type thing.

The kids have been mostly good. I say mostly because there are still times like yesterday at Liturgy where I literally wish I had two more arms. Ollie was such and handful yesterday! I couldn't even partake of the Eucharist because that kid wouldn't hold still or quiet down long enough for me to get in line!

My kids have a new favorite song. It is off the Donnie Darko soundtrack; "Mad world" by Micheal Andrews. It is a Tears for Fears cover. And I have to say I like his version much better than theirs. Such a sad song!

Wooster is three!

2008-07-17T10:21:00.001-07:00

It's inherited I swear!

2008-07-17T00:25:00.000-07:00

My mom once told me that my grandma liked to do all her housework at night, even her vacuuming. It used to drive my mom and biological father nuts!

And here I am at 12:30am-ish fighting off the urge to vacuum my floor. I think a good portion of the reason I want to do it is that all my kids are currently asleep! (They should be at this time of night huh?) And inevitably in the daytime I don't want to vacuum at all.

I also prefer to fold clothes at night too. Although my cat thinks nighttime is play time and has found a kitty version of bowling. He likes to knock over my large piles of laundry, which then gets him a toss across the house. I wonder if he enjoys the ride? Maybe that is why he does it so much?

I spoke with Bear today. He is sounding MUCH better than a couple days ago. 9 days down, 23 to go. He hung up around 11:30 or so and then called me back a couple minutes later. One of the guys he is in charge of called him up with a really stupid question;

Solider X: Uh, Sgt Bear we just saw a rattlesnake go under the Porto-pottys, do you want us to get it out for you?

Sgt. Bear: Uh....no! Leave it there and warn people. It is likely just trying to get away from you.

Soldier X: Are you sure you don't want us to catch it for you?

Sgt. Bear: No really, leave it alone.

I told him that he should have told them to bite the head off ala Bear Grylls.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRTIkj5HF90

If that guy doesn't deserve a "here's your sign award" I don't know who does.

Ah, a sigh of relief for the next hour!

2008-07-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

VCS is over. I think it went fairly well, or rather I think I did OK. The teaching the 3-4 year olds was not my issue, I know how to do that. I was concerned that I wouldn't get the material across like I should.

The last couple nights I have been sleeping a mere 3 hours a night. This practice came crashing down on me today. I am beyond exhausted, into the realm of my alarm clock having a psychotropic swirling pattern and my dog having a British accent when he asks me for his breakfast. I caught a quick hour long nap and feel slightly below human again, which is a vast improvement.

Once again the military and civilian employers have utterly screwed up Bears paychecks. So once AGAIN I have to find a way to juggle and jostle the finances and possibly sell a few items. I hate doing this. Ah, I look forward to Bear being a civy again, paychecks that come on time... His civilian employer has an open hostility towards the military. It was in the contract that he was to be paid the difference in military and civilian pay for drills and such. But they sent out a "memo" right after 9/11 to discourage people from joining up that says they are only paid for 2 weeks a year, and the rest of the time it is unpaid leave. And since my husband works a Sat-Wed schedule, and the drills are on weekends, this is a pay cut of about $500 a month if we are LUCKY lately. The latest civy screw up is his retroactive cost of living and annual raise. He was on L&I November-January so we will be lucky if we get like $20. And I won't get into the idiocy of the military pay system, you have to be in it to understand the complexities of their incredible stupidity.

Wooster is 3 tommorrow at 9:59pm! Woo-hoo! That child has worried me more than both her brother and sister combined! She didn't participate much really at VCS. She was far and away the youngest one in my 3-4 year class. But I have to say she was actually the best behaved! Likely because;

A) Mommy was teacher and she better be

and

B) Generally she is a really good and mellow kid if she doesn't have her brother or sister around. They ramp her up and get her excited.

I took Ollie to Oheo's godmothers to be cared for during VCS. He did well for one of my kids. I have to say it was really hard to do. I bear so much guilt when I leave my kids for even a couple hours while their dad is away. Us mothers will find any old reason to feel guilty won't we?

I have to say that the only person capable of getting Wooster more excited than her sibilings is her godmother, Miss H is 16 and Wooster LOVES her. Wooster believes she owns her. She growls and talks to Miss H constantly when Miss H is around. She was really jealous of Ollie when I dropped him off to be cared for over there.

The Bear is doing better today

2008-07-14T22:21:00.001-07:00

He called a little before 9 and we spoke until about 10 or so. He missed breakfast, but all the other meals he has been able to have. He sounded so much better! I feel so much better now!

I am so tired, but I know it is nothing compared to what Bear is feeling

2008-07-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

My poor love!

They are working 16+ hours a day without breaks or any FOOD!!!! That is so wrong! I am so angry! He starts work at 6am and doesn't get off until 9:45 if he is lucky, a quarter to midnight when he is not. I have literally never heard him sound this sad and defeated. He is such a strong man. They are really wearing him down to nothing. So he sleeps 5 hours a night if he is lucky.

And I am tired because I am only sleeping 7 a night..... (of course in those 7 hours I do breastfeed about 3 times)

Haven't done this in a while

2008-07-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

Weekly goals 14th-20th

Monday:
Dishes
wash/fold/put away diapers
fold laundry in hall
vacuum
walk around GL
home school both kids
balance checkbook
pay bills
finalize lesson plan for VCS
dinner

Tuesday:
VCS 9-1
Wash/fold/put away 2 loads laundry
home school both kids
clean fridge
dinner

Wednesday:
VCS 9-1
Gymnastics 6:30-7:30
home school both kids
wash/fold/put away 2 loads
clean bathroom
vacuum
pick up dinner

Thursday:
Grocery shopping
Fun activity like the Science center or Childrens museum for Woo's b-day
Woosters dinner at OCB
wash/fold/put away 3 loads laundry,

Friday:
Dishes
wash/fold/put away diapers
wash/fold out away remaining laundry
walk GL
vacuum
wash wool wraps and put out to sun bleach
home school both kids
dinner

Saturday:
Take kids to a wading pool
home school both kids
dinner
clean bathroom,

Sunday:
DL and potluck 9:30-1:30

Eek! I hate feeling this way

2008-07-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am in the cranky mode currently. I am really bummed I missed Liturgy and the picnic and quite frankly the kids are driving me nuts. Little things, not big ones are the issue.

Miss O asks me for or about food constantly. Literally-even if she is currently eating she is asking what she can eat later. And 1 hours after breakfast she asks me for lunch. I think we have a mini-glutton on our hands. And every time she asks I tell her to drink some water before I will make her anything to eat(she drinks maybe 6oz of water on her own a day, otherwise I have to pester her to drink at least 20oz a day). Not that I am dogmatic about it, but, that kid only urinates like 3-4 times a day!

She isn't hungry when she asks, she just likes the taste of food. And water doesn't taste good so she doesn't want it. And before you tell me to have her drink juice-stop. Juice is not water. We are 2/3 water, not juice.

So I had to talk with her about how we eat to live, we do not live to eat. We need to enjoy our food, but stop when we are satisfied-not when we are "full." I hate this. Growing up I developed some pretty screwed up views of food and weight, I really don't want her to have them either. She is inching her way into being "obese." The doctor has already told me she is overweight and we need to watch her. So it isn't like I have some ideal of my kid being a toothpick. I don't even think she needs to lose weight (despite the fact that according to her BMI she is about 10 pounds over their ideal). I just think she needs to find a balance between enjoying her food and yearning for food every moment of the day. Poor kid, all her weight goes straight to the belly like her Nomi and great-grandma, they both had/have diabetes, so that doesn't bode well.

Off to drink (and cry in) my water.

Another night, another couple hours of sleep lacking

2008-07-13T14:13:00.000-07:00

Ollie was really raging with his little 101-102 fever last night. It may not have been a really high fever, but mommy needed to pay for his discomfort! Wooster was really clingy to whoever was in her reach while she slept. She frequently awoke Ollie or myself wanting to have an arm in our faces or armpits. Miss O was, well she was just herself only crankier. We all laid on my queen size bed like puzzle pieces. Miss O ended up sleeping at the end because that is where she preferred to be.

Bear is having a hell of a time in training. The worked him over 16 consecutive hours yesterday. And now he is having hand swelling issues. I am worried about that man. Even the other NCO's, grunts and CO's are feeling sorry for him. He called me at about 11:45 last night. And we spoke for about 20 minutes. And he still had to get up at 5am this morning. They actually had two separate jobs laid out for him for today. Two completely unrelated jobs in different places. I hope he can call me tonight before 9pm. Not just because I want to talk to him (believe me I do!) but because then it would mean that he isn't working another 16+ hour day. He promised me he would see the medic if his hands were still swelling and hurting this morning. But the most important aspect would be if they LET him see a medic. His leg has been doing the twitching in his sleep again. That doesn't bode well for the nerve damage and herniated disc he had in October 07-January 08. It wouldn't take too much to have him re-injured again. And at this point there is absolutely no way he could recover as quickly. Since his accident he gained some weight and lost some stamina and muscle tone. He was just getting back into his groove when this training thing came.

His injury is on record. And they offered to put him on permanent "profile" with the military. But he declined the offer. I think he figured no one would actually adhere to the profile status anyway. And with a herniated disc the restrictions have to do with being in vehicles, standing too long, sitting to long ect. I don't know, now I am really wishing he had been placed on permanent profile.

Wall-E

2008-07-12T16:38:00.000-07:00

My brother "TotoroMan," the kids, and I went to see WALL-E today. I have to say it was really very good, I enjoyed it tremendously.

It is funny, yesterday I got up on my soapbox about romantic versus romance. And I have to say that in its own way WALL-E is an exceedingly romantic movie that was completely lacking in romance. (At this moment I am listening to "I'll stand by you" by the Pretenders. I love this song, it is very romantic). I don't want to give any plot points away for those of you that want to watch the movie unfettered by my blow-by-blow of all the romantic aspects. Just go see it for yourself!

(Ooh! Now I am listening to "The way I am" by Ingrid Michaelson, another exceedingly romantic song! Why do I torment myself like this! At least I'm not listening to "Lovesong" by the Cure! I think that would turn me into a gooey pile of mush).

Ollie has been running a fever of around 102 for the last 24 hours, I am fairly certain it is teething related. But if it doesn't clear up before too long I will have to keep us home from Liturgy and the picnic to follow tomorrow. I really hope I won't have to do that, I am looking forward to some adult interaction!

I spoke with my mother today. The have made some decisions in the last few years that I find....er....unwise shall we say? (Let's stick to that word since I don't want to get insulting). In the last month my step-father was "laid-off." They worked for the same company, but my mom kept her job and was even given a raise! He worked on more computer/database functions and my mom is more customer service. She has always had a knack at customer service. Admittedly, when I can hold my tongue I am quite good at that type of work also. They moved to a state without jobs and hoped to get jobs on arrival, but such has really not been the case. My step-father worked at this company less than 6mths, and my mom hasn't even been there 3mths yet I believe. Before this with the exception of a stint at "Staples" by my mom, before she quit to take her present job-they were pretty much unemployed for the better part of a year. Anyway, she told me today that they are considering moving back to my home state. They have friends there, the job market and cost of living in relation to pay is much better. I really hope they move forward with this plan.

I have been working really hard on NOT worrying about my parents. The decisions they made that led them to the state they are currently in were really hard for me to watch. But as they are my parents and not my peers I have to watch and hold my tongue (although at this point I think you could get some clear prints off of it). I really hope they can find some functionality if they move. I will continue to hold my tongue and try to be as supportive as I can be without enabling them by becoming a bobble head to all their decisions.

That is hard, how does one respect their parents even when what they are doing appears virtually suicidal in terms of finances/faith/family at best, I won't say what it appears at worst..... I don't want to be judgemental, I am trying very hard NOT to judge them. Yet by the same token if I saw a man stand in front of a train and say it was the "calling of God" and that since they CAN stand there it must mean it is the will of God and they will be blessed, I still would want to scream "GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY OF THE TRAIN YOU IDIOT!!!" to them. But here I sit, tongue in hand-trying hard not to judge them. Ah, what a dichotomy....

Despite my insanity, I am actually quite alright

2008-07-11T20:48:00.001-07:00

I am insane, I took all three kids to the mall today. Wooster isn't 3 until next week, but I had this awesome coupon for "The Picture People;" buy one sheet-get two free. And in case you want to take pix of your kids, pets or maybe just a favorite plant-here you go;

http://www.picturepeople.com/promotion/email/summerfun/R4V6_Buy1Get2Landing.html

But bear in mind that it expires 7-16-08

Wooster was a little ham. And as always I loved all the pix and wanted them. But I narrowed it down to two shots of Woo and a shot of all three together. My kids are so stinkin cute! And even though she is technically still 2, she will look the same today as next Thursday in the pictures. Right? Or do my miserly tendencies disgust you?

I had to break down and get Ollie some robeez today. That kid won't keep socks or shoes on, and while he DOES walk pretty darn well; he likes to scrape his little toes and crawl all over the place when I take him to the park. I couldn't stand it anymore. And luckily he can't take those Robeez off! They are really boring and brown, I won't get him sport or vehicle related anything, and the Dino ones weren't his size. And fortunately they were on sale! Woo-hoo!

I took the kids to the park last night for about two hours. I am happy to say that even though I am a "bad mom" and didn't slather them in sunblock and it was QUITE sunny, that not a one of them ended up with a sunburn! Triple woo-hoo!

I spoke with my brother "Wenatchee" last night as well. I think that was the longest I have spoken to him in nearly two years.

Bear called "late" last night. It wasn't really late in real terms, (9:30) it was late for him considering he starts duty at 5am. His CO is being an ass, and really jerking him around. And they tried to have him guard an ammo dump for 36 consecutive hours without food or breaks. Last night he sounded absolutely toasted. Yakima is a dry desert like place, and the dust and heat really wear one down. And again, he called at 9:30 tonight. The kids were actually able to chat with him this time which is great. He sounded a bit better, but he is still really tired.

Wooster is having a tough evening. She isn't verbalizing anything, but she is exceedingly weepy. This evening she watched "Batman" cartoons with her uncle "TotoroMan" and Miss O, I think that helped a bit. And talking to her Daddy really perked her up. Ollie is crawling about my feet randomly unplugging the mouse. Oh, wait-now he is asleep on the floor under my chair.

I got my Elizabeth Gaskell book today! Oh, and but does it look good! I think I am going to stop on the Austen book and work my way thru the Cranford Chronicles instead. The book contains;

Mr. Harrison's Confessions
Cranford
My Lady Ludlow

As Mr. Harrisons Confessions is the first "book" in the book I am working on it already. It is quite engaging so far. And I hope that it will continue to be so. There are books aplenty that start off really great and then peter off. Almost as if the author was excited about the idea, and then just shoved their way thru to get it over with.

I was interested in the Gaskell and Austen books because they are "romantic" novels, but they aren't "romance" novels. The more I grow in years-both as a wife and mother, the more I find romance novels quite distasteful. I am all for romance. I love it in fact! But I don't appreciate the romanticism that in inherent in them. The archetypes are completely unrealistic. The storyline typically follow one of several threads;

The "rogue" that is horrible but just needs the right "good girl" to become a little "bad" and even him out.

The bookish man that is hiding his "passion" until the right woman comes along.

The wildly independent woman that doesn't think she needs anyone until she falls in love and becomes the type of woman she used to hate.

The list could go on and on. And in all honesty I am quite sure I could write a bestselling romance novel. I never read them, but it is easy to play up the hot points for women and help them in their escapism. As a character once said;

"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."

Romanticism and romance novels are, to my mind in part responsible for the break down of many marriages in America. Everyone is willing to concede that porn can be a problem. Look at Christie Brinkley and her current divorce, $3,000 a month on porn! I can't image how that man didn't have his hands fall off! But no woman ever goes into counseling because she has a romance novel addiction. And yet the implications are much more insidious. Think about it; you read books over and over that portray "good" men as able to read the minds of the women they love. Is that possible? I don't think so. How many great husbands and men are treated as bad ones because they don't fit the "perfect" image that women think they should based on their readings?

"If he really loved me I wouldn't have to tell him "x."

"If he really loved me he would do "y" without me asking!"

We need to ask, and we need to tell. Plain and simple, and it goes both ways. I have seen plenty of men keep their thoughts to themselves, not typically because they think their significant other should read their minds, normally they just don't feel like bothering.

I can honestly say that after nearly 15 years together my husband and I can, and do on occasion read each others minds. But it is never in regards to ANYTHING of crucial importance. He can read my mind when I crave a certain food, or he knows why I find something particularly funny, but he can't read my mind for the really important stuff. And a long time ago I realized that to assume that he can is an insult to us both. And the ability I have to read his mind mostly extends to his interesting sense of humor.

I am actually quite happy and proud that he can't read my mind. Think how boring my life and marriage would be if he could? It would royally piss me off! Why communicate at all then? Perfection is boring. Discussion is fun! And if he were perfect able to read my mind it would mean I am so shallow and boring that he doesn't even need to ask to know what I am feeling or thinking. I rather like being a bit of a mystery to my husband. I like that I can surprise him in regards to what I am thinking and feeling still. It keeps the spark alive to know that he will need the rest of his life to really get inside my head and know me. And it is even more exciting that he WANTS to do that. He wants to continually get to know me more, and to find out what I am thinking. We are always asking each other; "What are you thinking?" And even when I KNOW he knows how I feel, I owe it to him and myself to voice it. Because even if he "knows" he can't possibly know completely because he ISN'T me, and I don't want him to be. That would be complete narcissism- to want a spouse that is me in every way but the plumbing.

When you really apply what the "ideal" is, it is really quite boring and superficial. That type of plot is nice for a couple hundred steamy pages, but in the end it has no staying power. Who would actually want that maintained forever? I like ice cream, I like it a great deal, but I couldn't eat it everyday for the rest of my life. Good things come in ebb and flow patterns. The good times are good precisely because they are good, the bad are bad because the "normal" isn't bad. You don't need a passionate fight to have passionate sex. And you don't need candles and rose petals to have romance. Romance is doing the dishes, holding my hair back when I puke, telling me I am gorgeous after I just pushed out an eight and a half pound baby and KNOWING he really means it. I am fortunate beyond all comprehension, I have an amazing marriage. But it isn't perfect-because we are not perfect. We are on our path of theosis. And on I am happy to be on that path together with my Bear. And everyone underestimates "funny sex." That is actually quite fun too. There is so much more to sex and relationships than passion. I can honestly say that if all we had was passion I would be bored out of my skull.

Another day, a boatload of poopy diapers

2008-07-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

I think Wooster must have read my blog. Well, she can't read or anything...but I think I cursed myself. I get all jubilant that she went #2 on the potty and what does she do yesterday? Poops in her undies TWICE. Although I am proud that she was out shopping most of the day with me and she didn't have any accidents. I guess at least she saved her potty training relapse for home.

I spoke with Bear last night. He seems really out of it. I can tell he is in "Sgt Bear" mode. So while he speaks to me his brain is at least partially somewhere else. That's OK, I'll take what I can get.

I think I am in uber-planning mode. I spent about an hour searching for that timer that "Supernanny" used that looks like a traffic light. I found it!

http://www.learningresources.com/product/id/100121/100122/100132/100136/104665.do?KickerID=100257&KICKER

But when I found out that you can't restart the time midway thru I eliminated it. And at a price of $40 I don't think I would consider it anyway.

I found a better alternative;

http://www.americaninnovative.com/products/klipkids.php

Although I still think it is over priced at $20, I think I could justify the purchase. Those kitchen timers don't last very long around here. And they cost about $5-10.

I ordered Wooster's birthday gift today. I know, I know, a little late since her birthday is in 7 days. And the site I ordered it from says I need to give them 7-10 business days for arrival. Here is to hoping that they ship to us quickly!

http://www.leapfrog.com/en/families/tag/tag_system/tag_reading_system0.html

For a woman that absolutely HATES the color pink I end up buying a lot of items that color and washing an entire load of that color twice a week when I do laundry! Amazon is selling the pink ones for like $80! Fortunately I found this one $30 less than that. I am sure that Miss O will try to take it over the first chance she gets. And we can add more books as we go. So I think all in all this will be a gift that our kids can enjoy for a long time.

We are such strange parents, we don't have a Wii, Xbox or any other gaming system. They just cost too much. But we do have a pretty serious book addiction as a family, which is more expensive in the long run. I prefer the book addiction anyway.

My Jane Austen book(s) are great, and soon I should be getting "The Cranford Chronicles" by Elizabeth Gaskill. I know that the mini-series was a huge hit, and at some point I would like to watch it. But first I want to read the books.

Oheo has now shown signs of her parents book mania malady. Yesterday at the grocery store she discovered that there are MORE American girl books that the two series (Molly and Kaya) that she has. And then when she discovered that the "Kit" books have been made into a movie she started begging me to watch it and buy all the books. I just love that she enjoys reading so much. There are 6 books in each of the series she has, which is 12 books-and she has read all but 1 or two of them over and over and over again.

It is so hard to say "no" when your child is begging for historical fiction to read. Hopefully I can find a bunch more books for her to read. (Insert swelling with pride emoticon) Many girls at this age are obsessed with "Highschool musical" and "Hannah Montana" which is absolutely fine. But my little girl is obsessed with books! Like parents like child! It would be really hard for me to watch those movies with Miss O. I am sure she would want to watch them if I let her. Or rather, if I asked her specifically if she wanted to watch I am sure she would say "yes," but as she hasn't asked, I plan not to offer.

Happy happy, joy joy!

2008-07-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

Ollie has suddenly become really cranky. He is breaking his 7th tooth!

Oh, joy of joys!

In other news I got my Jane Austen anthology in the mail yesterday and I am working my way thru Sense and Sensibility. Pretty good thus far!

So far so good

2008-07-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

A Miss O original art piece of unicorns

Last night went surprisingly well. The kids were extra cuddly (can't say I mind that too much!) and obviously missed the Bear, but they did really well. I let them stay up REEEAAALLLLLYYY late though. I think everyone was asleep by about 12:30 last night. But we did nap yesterday morning after we dropped Bear off until about 11:30am. They all awoke at 10:30 this morning doing quite well. I was sort of dreading the first morning with out Bear. I had it all pictured in my mind; the younger two would wake looking for him and he would be gone, I would have to explain he is gone, then the tears, weeping and wailing would ensue (not to mention what the KIDS would do).

Tonight I will be sending them to bed close to their normal time-about 9pm. Bear typically calls by 9pm or so and I want to give them the chance to talk to him.

Speaking of which! He called last night! He is in Yakistan (Yakima) but it took them a very long time to get there. At one point it took about an hour and a half to move a mile! So all those meat heads were lightly ramming each other in their Humvees. Boys and their big manly toys! Although the Bear HATES driving the Humvee. I am surprised they didn't run out of gas since those things get like 5 mpg.

Today is full of activities. I have to go grocery shopping and take Miss O to gymnastics. I found out about a scholarship program for the girls while Bear is deployed. I can sign them up for tutoring, sports or art classes. The scholarships are for 6 months and up to $500. I can sign them up twice a year too! Once we actually get paper orders I can proceed.

Last night I was up until 2am. We had a hall full of laundry to fold. So I folded and put away all the girls clothes and just folded Ollie, Bear and I's clothes. (the kids were sleeping in my room so I didn't want to put our clothes away yet). I think I folded about 4 large loads worth. And I have a HUGE washer. Today I have more of the same to do. Ah, laundry never ends. Maybe I can have the kids naked for the month? Probably not huh?

Wooster is potty training! Yippee! She has been flirting with it for weeks now. I think the final nail in the day time diaper coffin was the potential to have Dora undies! And yesterday she actually used to potty for BOTH numbers! Woo-hoo! Can I hope that I will only have one child in daytime diapers soon? And this is all of her own accord, I haven't tried anything to point her in this direction. She is such a dainty little thing, she can't stand having a wet or soiled diaper.

Oheo was long delayed in potty training. A big factor for that was the stress of having Bear deployed. She wasn't fully trained until she was 4! And to think that my not even 3 year old will be potty trained sends me into orgasmic happiness (OK, not ORGASMIC-but close). How sad that I am now in a twitter over potty training....

This is a great idea.

2008-07-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

http://www.hugahero.com/index.php

Dropped off the Bear this morning

2008-07-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

Well, it is about 1:15ish and I dropped off my hubby at 6:45 this morning. Can't the military do anything that doesn't start so early I feel like I need an IV of caffeine? Getting three kids going at 5:30am to drop off Daddy is no easy task! No crying or hysterics (by me or the kids). I had my little freak out yesterday while the Bear took the kids to the park. So far so good thus far. The real test will be tonight and the coming week.

I realized that I have had two miscarriages in the months of July and August. And both of them have been connected in some way to my husband being gone for military duty. July of 2004 Miss O and I visited the Bear in Texas and we happened to get pregnant over that weekend and then miscarry. And then July of 2006 the Bear was gone for 3 weeks of training and we conceived and miscarried at the end of August. Miscarriage anniversaries always seem to get me. I look forward to the day that they don't effect me like PMS squared.

I found an ex-boyfriends myspace page last night. Pretty funny....He dumped me after we had been dating about a year. I didn't want to have sex, he had many chicks on the side that would-Oh! And did I mention he had a raging coke habit I was unaware of?

The Bear gave the girls "goodbye" gifts yesterday. Just a reminder that he loves them very much, and something to cuddle while he is gone. Miss O was given an American girl doll. Her name is "Molly" and she is a character that is from the books set in early WWII. She has her daddy go off to war. We bought her the books as well. And Miss O absolutely loves her doll. She doesn't have any friends that can empathize with her experiences now. Back in WWI and even in Vietnam, the war touched every ones lives quite profoundly. This war effects people more from a distance. So Miss O has no friends that can understand where she is. These dolls cost an arm and a leg, and a couple visits for plasma donations! But it was important to us that she have something special. She is nearly 7 now! And to have a special doll that can "empathize" with her is important.

Wooster was given a "Bitty Baby" that we were able to pick up on eBay used, a little outfit for the baby and a baby carrier for her new baby. She loves them. Although she has continued the tradition for Miss O of a lack of creativity in naming her dolls/toys. Her new baby's name is "New baby." Really, that is what she calls it! Cute.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Lord Jesus Christ my God, who carried Your own Holy Cross to Golgotha, grant me the strength, patience and wisdom to bear the burdens of parenthood. Fulfill in me anything I may be lacking and grant that through our prayers and those of Your Holy Mother, our family may grow closer to You and a Life in Christ. Amen "

The gospel and epistle readings for today

2008-07-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Matthew 6:22-33

The Lord said, "The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is sound, your whole body will be full of light; but if your eye is not sound, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear? For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well."

Romans 5:1-11

BRETHREN, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in our hope of sharing the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. While we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. Why, one will hardly die for a righteous man -- though perhaps for a good man one will dare even to die. But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we are now justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. Not only so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received our reconciliation.

35 hours and counting...

2008-07-06T20:16:00.001-07:00

In roughly 35 hours I am dropping my love off for 32 days of training. I vacillate between complete peace and utter terror in regards to this prospect.

I think if we could erase all that we endured during his last deployment, we could view this deployment in a better light. But as we are creatures with memories-that isn't possible. I keep trying to tell myself that this time it will be better. And in all honesty, I really believe that this will be a much more "positive" experience. Our parish is full of wonderful, loving, kind people that have all offered over and over again to help me in any way possible, the likelihood of miscarrying twins in my late 1st trimester and being incapable of getting any help or being able to contact my husband is remote at best, we don't have any grandparents left to die, and I think emotionally/spiritually we are all in a better place.

I think a good deal of my fears surround our kids. If I was dealing with this on my own this would be a completely different picture. And knowing that Miss O did so poorly with the last deployment that it literally took her a YEAR to get back to some sense of normalcy, make my fears for how Wooster will do feel dark, scary and looming over my head.

The majority of the responsibility for how well the kids do is on me. If I freak out, cry and appear upset they will be too. But holding it all together without my husband is really hard to do 24/7. I am thankful that as an Orthodox Christian I can recognize the communion of the saints. I can pray to the Theotokos, a mother that has known great sorrow. I can pray to my patron saint Xenia, a woman that has been a soldiers wife. I can use contemplative prayer like the Jesus prayer and various other to help center my emotions when I feel them spiraling out of control. So I hope and pray that I will make it thru the next couple days without crying uncontrollably around the kids. I can wait to do that in the shower-my one time that is childless (most of the time, although it often becomes the "Mommy show" with the kids playing peak-a-boo around the shower curtain). And if I can avoid crying the Bear does better with the good-byes too. To love someone so much that to have them gone is like a piece is missing is quite clique. But good cliques have that reputation precisely because that are true. Although I still think that song from the 80's is a bit cheesy.

I am going to try and stay really bust this month. And really, if it wasn't for the year long deployment hanging over our heads in a few months we could deal with this month of AT standing on our heads. I am teaching VCS on the 15-16, Woosters 3rd birthday is on the 17th, my birthday is on the 26th (OK, that day will just suck-no getting around that. No husband, I can't get what I want as a gift- "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..") Miss O has gymnastics every Wednesday thru the end of August, we have Divine Liturgy every Sunday, and I have all the duties of being a mommy and running the household. The worst parts will be at night after the kids are all asleep and I am awake and alone. The Bear and I have been happily wed for almost 12 years, but we still often stay up almost all night talking like we are dating. So laying there alone with no one to talk to will be the time I can't pretend he isn't gone. During the day I am busy and I can ignore that ache of loneliness. But at night I can't. In the past I changed our schedule so that I would stay up all night and then pop Miss O (she was about 2-3 at the time) in the stroller and go on a walk at sunrise. But that isn't possible anymore, Miss O can't go into a stroller anymore (although I think she wishes she still could) so any walk I take has to be at her pace, and the lovely silence is not there. Wooster and Ollie would just chill in the stroller, they aren't real verbal kids, and they are more apt to just take in the scenery. Miss O needs to talk, all the time. This is a real blessing. I am really glad that she talks to me about what is on her mind. We have tried hard to get to this point, but there are times that I wish she was little and non-verbal again. Not for long, just for a couple hours in the morning.

Life is good, we are truly blessed. I am thankful that I have a relationship with my husband such that these deployments are challenging. He is more help that I can ever say in regards to the house, raising the kids and everything else. And it is really sad that we have FINALLY found the place where we feel we belong spiritually (Orthodox) and now he has to leave for a prolonged period of time. We can only pray that his tour will be shortened and he will be home sooner than expected. Currently it appears he will leave just before the Nativity fast starts this year, and return before it begins next year. Heaven forbid they EXTEND him. I certainly hope and pray that won't be the case.

2008-07-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

In exactly 24 days I will be 30. In exactly 15 days Wooster will be 3!

Wooster wants Dora, princess and baby stuff. Pretty simple and relatively inexpensive desires.

I want a tattoo for my 30th birthday! At $150 or more I am betting it isn't possible, but that is what I really really really want. The one below is what I want to get on my forearm crook of my elbow to the wrist to symbolize my hubby.

Then after that I want a couple hummingbirds to symbolize my girls Wooster and Miss O.

Then a Frog for Ollie

Then a large raven on my upper back between my shoulder blades

Sigh......a girl can dream can't she? Maybe I will just get some books or something. Alone on my 30th birthday, and no possiblity of getting what I want. Whine....whine....whine.......

Not posting very much

2008-06-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

The Bear leaves for 32 days on the 8th. Thereafter he is home up until November. And our prayers were answered! He isn't going to the sandbox!

It is hot and I am cranky. I will likely be posting alot between 7-8 and 8-8.

Out of the hands and hearts of babes

2008-06-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

For those of you that are not Orthodox or Catholic this likely doesn't mean anything. To you this will seem like a big deal over nothing. But to us this is a very big deal.

We say prayers before dinner. It starts with the Lords prayer and then a blessing of the food. We stand and face our icon corner, pray and make the sign of the cross over ourselves at certain points. Crossing your self is a mini prayer. A prayer of body and mind.

My children are starting to cross themselves like it is second nature. Miss O sleepwalks, this is something she has done for awhile. Typically she cries and wanders around until we take her to the bathroom and then she goes back to sleep. A little over a week ago she walked up to me, crossed herself gave me a kiss and touched foreheads with me. I took her to go to the bathroom and then she went back to bed. Of course she doesn't remember any of this. Sleepwalkers never do. When one sleepwalks they do what is most natural to them. So crossing herself has become a part of who she is at this point.

And tonight at dinner Ollie crossed himself. He had the hand position and timing down.

Children can understand these things better than adults can. And it is quite convicting to see this. I have not kept my rule of prayer as well as I should, I have not tried to bring Orthodoxy into our lives as much as I should. I could list a thousand reason why, but it is still my responsibility to teach my children these things. And yet they are teaching me!

Here is a great little article on the sign of the cross:
http://www.orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/guidech1.pdf

Our priest has a blog!

2008-06-05T22:43:00.000-07:00

http://www.surprisedbychrist.com

Ollie retrospective

2008-05-31T12:53:00.001-07:00

My boy is a year old today!

2008-05-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

So in honor of his birthday, here is his birth story.

The long and short of it is that I was induced. I had been in prodromal labor for several months. I had been on strict bed rest weeks 34-37 because of all the contrax, dilation and effacement. During that time I contracted about every 3-5 minutes for over a minute, everyday-all day. So the Bear went on his paternity leave all the way back at 35 weeks. So by 37 weeks we thought he would come anytime since I was off bed rest. And he didn't. I had more contractions, but they stopped and started. They were good strong contrax too! I did everything I could to get him to come; from sex to acupuncture and everything imaginable in-between. At 39 weeks it was the end of his paternity leave and he couldn't get anymore. And if he went back to work he likely wouldn't be home in time to get me to the hospital. And then he would immediately have to go back to work after Ollie was born. So I was set for induction on 5-30. The Bear's parents and brother were up for a visit. So they watched the girls Wed thru Thurs. afternoon.
Since I was hyper stimulated on cervadil with Wooster (contrax on top of each other lasting over a minute) they didn't want to try that since I was so close to having him. I came in contracting every 5min, 75% effaced, 2-3cm dilated and at 0 to -1 station. My options were breaking the water to get things going or try the pit. I didn't want a cord prolapse since he wasn't quite at 0 station and my pelvis is huge. So they started pit Wed May 30th around 5pm or so. But Ollie had a few heart decels during/after my contrax. The decels occurred even if I changed positions. So they stopped the Pit around 3am Thurs and then put in cervadil at 10am. Nothing was really happening so the Bear went to get the girls around 3pm-ish. I won't lie; I flipped out when he left. Then around 3:30pm they were trying to send me home and come back next week since the cervadil didn’t seem to work. The Bear didn't get back from getting the girls until almost 6pm! There was a great deal of traffic here. When he returned we talked about coming back the next week and then decided to ask to stay until the full 12 hour dose of the Cervadil was in, which would be at 10pm. Around 6pm-ish my contrax were getting stronger/closer. I started pretty active labor around 7:30-ish pm and they pulled the cerv. at 8pm. I was about 4cm at that point. I went in the tub for about 45 min or so, we actually had the girls in the room at this point. We had my brother come and watch the girls in the waiting area. He arrived around 9pm. I got out of the tub and they broke my water at around 9:15. It took some effort to break it since the membranes were so strong. I was still only a "good 4." But then I went from 4cm to complete in 30 minutes! He came out in two pushes! His head and eyes were all bruised from coming out so fast. But the real shocker is that he had a TRUE KNOT in his cord, it was a bit loose, but definitely there. AND the cord was wrapped around his body and neck TWICE like a bandoleer. He was completely blue when he came out. For some reason I had been thinking he had a true knot in his cord, and apparently I was right! If we had waited until I went in to labor on my own he may have been stillborn or I would have ended up with an emer c-section. I am REALLY glad I trusted my instincts and pushed for the induction. As always the Bear was an awesome labor coach. I really couldn't have done it without him. He pushed on my tailbone with each contraction. It hurt, but a good kind of hurt. The girls did amazingly well while they were in the room during my labor. Miss O held my hand and told me to squeeze it. And while I was in the tub she gave me water and put a cold cloth on my head. It was really sweet. The nurses said that I was "really quiet." I just kind of hum while I am in labor. One nurse told me that I taught her things about how to control your body.
The girls came back in to meet Ollie with my brother at around 10:15. They stayed with him just over an hour in the waiting area! That was really ideal. Although in retrospect I think they would have been fine if they had stayed. They slept in the hospital that night and we were released late afternoon on June 1st.
Born; 9:48pm 5-31, 8lbs 8oz, 20.75 inches long, perfect head. Nursing like a professional. No pain meds, very mild 1st degree tear (my first ever!) it didn't even need repair.

Oldie but a goodie

2008-05-30T12:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9muzyOd4Lh8

I can honestly say that his song was pretty lifechanging for me as a kid. I absolutely loved this song, and it started my interest in playing bass guitar.

Unfortunatly I no longer have a bass guitar since we needed to pay the mortgage last winter. But once we have the money again I will be getting a cello or a bass guitar again. I miss it.....Especially once I found a bunch of Tony Levin instructional videos for free thru youtube!

My toe exploded!

2008-05-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

My toe had been purple, swollen and really ugly all last week. The Saturday night Ollie decided to pill drive my toe and it exploded all over the bathroom and him. Blood everywhere, really gross, very painful. So I missed Liturgy yesterday.

----insert sad face----

Tonight I should be able to go to catechism class. It will be the last class before the spring/summer break. Then it resumes again in Sept.

I started "Surprised by Christ" and it is REALLY good. Extremely interesting. Essentially our priest became a Christian by reading a JW New testament! And even though they try to play down the diety of Christ in that version, he saw right thru it. Really interesting read. Enlightening, challenging and in general and easy/good read.

Ok, here is where the rubber meets the road

2008-05-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

I confess, I am a lazy mom/wife more often than I should be. So in an effort to change that I am going to make a goal list for each week. And with it being online for my 2-3 readers, I will be held accountable to actually do it. I have my goals for the week that will never change:

1) Laundry-wash/dry/fold/put away
2)Rinse/wash/dry/fold diapers (generally I have to do this twice a week)
3) General housework
4) Homeschooling
5) Random running around with it's chicken cut off errands=groceries...blah...blah...blah
6) Everything else that I won't bother to mention

But I need to make goals outside the norm to do and keep up.

1) Do morning and evening prayers daily (I have always prayed consistently, and lately I get those evening prayers DOWN. But I tend to hit the ground running in the morning)

2) Do my bible and Prolog readings each day.

3)Read more books to the kids. (I tend to read less "fun" stuff to the kids lately).

4) Keep to a routine. Standard wake-up, breakfast, lunch, nap ect. times. And make sure I have room for the other stuff.

Those are a good start. And I will work on those three until I get them down to instinct. Then I will add a few more. I don't want to be like the cat-in-the-hat and drop everything by taking on too much at once. Once I get those down they will "absorb" into me and I can take on more.

I need to get exercising again. But with the broken toe it may be awhile. Hopefully I heal soon.

Chores for the week that are not ones to maintain:

1) Put together bookcase for our bedroom, clear off the top of our dressers and put all the music and books off our dressers in it.

2) Clean off the front porch.

3) Clean up the play area on our porch.

4) Put away the clothes that Ollie, Wooster and Miss O have outgrown, bring up the clothes that Ollie and Wooster can fit into now.

5) Sew up Miss O's dragon that Boris dismembered [X]
(It looks pretty good actually, I didn't know if I could do it. It was missing a wing and really had a huge gash. But I did it!)

I totally want this!

2008-05-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

Although I know that my kids would love it a little too much.

http://www.novanatural.com/s.nl/it.A/id.1754/.f?sc=2&category=61

We want to have another baby, and while I love swings for a newborn, I also hate all the plastic-y, electronic-annoying-music, eternal battery changing of the swings I have had. The last swing actually had the option of plugging it in. Which was nice, but the swing didn't swing as well that way. This looks so cool! I would love to have it hanging next to the bed.

I have an owie

2008-05-14T21:53:00.000-07:00

Sunday evening I broke my toe. I dropped a Corelle Ultra salad plate/bowl just right and it broke my toe.

Now I have given birth three times and passed kidney stones twice without any pain medication. I am not a wuss when it comes to pain. Unless I need it, (and I mean incapable of functioning) I avoid even a Tylenol. And I have broken a couple toes in the past. Typically they turn blue to black over at least a couple hours. This time my toe was immediately black. So I used my last Vicodin left over from my traction injury a couple months ago.

My nail is about to pop off.

Man, this hurts like anything. Childbirth has nothing on this............

I am really disappointed

2008-05-11T21:38:00.000-07:00

A man from my old church disappeared a day before Valentines Day. We were not particularly close to the family, but the story really touched my heart. Christine is pregnant with their third child and her husband seemingly vanished into thin air. As I am about to be a single mother AGAIN for about a year I really ache for Christine being a single mom of two for an undetermined amount of time. I can't imagine...well I can imagine, I live with the knowledge that my husband could die on deployment daily, which then leads me to think of being a single mom.

I have been praying about this situation and waiting for the official search page

http://www.findnicholasfrancisco.com/

to be updated since the start of March. But when I did a Google search I found out more than I ever wanted to know.
http://docs.google.com/View?docid=dcbh2vh8_12chs2qchq

It is altogether possible that he met foul play. But given the fact that he lived a "secret life" literally for YEARS before he disappeared leads me to believe that the possibility that he took off is not as far-fetched as it once was. But the accusations against Christine are horrible. She and I had our butting of horns on the MH members site. But she doesn't deserve these accusations!

MH prides itself on holding a high biblical standard for Christian men. But I think this is a wake-up call for leadership there that clearly shows that accountability is only worth something in a church their size if people willing and openly admit all their sins. Nicholas NEVER should have been able to do something like this without SOMEONE at MH knowing somehow, even just an inkling. Christine deserved better than this. No one is expected to be psychic, but Shepherds should have SOME knowledge of what is occurring in their flock. The community groups are social get togethers not accountability. Accountability of some sort needs to be put in place. If community is to be real, then we need to know about each others struggles with sins, we shouldn't be able to have a "church face" and a "private face."

A suicide, an abusive husband, a horribly unfaithful wife and now this have all come out of MH. (that I am aware of, Lord only knows what I DON'T know about, I certainly didn't ask to know these things) The laity AND the leadership bear responsibility. We need to be aware and connected in a genuine way with our Christian brothers and sisters. And if they were members of another church that they left MH for (I don't know, but I have heard that they did) then THAT church bears responsibility too.

Good thing communion is merely symbolic at MH.......

"O Sovereign Lord Jesus Christ our God, Who alone has authority to forgive men their sins, overlook in Thy goodness and love for men all my offences whether committed with knowledge or in ignorance, and make me worthy to receive without condemnation Thy divine, glorious, spotless, and life-giving Mysteries, not for punishment, nor for an increase of sins, but for purification and sanctification and as a pledge of the life and kingdom to come, as a protection and help, and for the destruction of enemies, and for the blotting out of my many transgressions. For Thou art a God of mercy and compassion and love for men, and to Thee we asribe glory, with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen. "

It used to be that in the church when one commited a sin you were "excommunicated" but the meaning of that word has changed. Now it means cast out of all fellowship. But the true meaning is that you are unable to partake of communion for a period of time. Initially it was YEARS. At first you had to sit outside the church asking for prayers, then you could be in the narthex, then kneeling in the nave (sanctuary), then standing, and finally you could partake of communion. Communion was that sacred, that to be seperated from it was the worst punishment possible.

You couldn't/can't partake of the all holy body and blood of Christ if you are in sin. If you do then you are drinking and eating your own judgement. Protestant churches revolve around the sermon, in Orthodoxy it revolves around the Euchrist. It is true food and drink, for the soul and body.

In our day and age we couldn't excommunicate a person in the original sense for years at a time. We truly have a fast food nation of Christianity. If you don't want to be disciplined then you can merely leave. I have heard that MH made a change to the bylaws that makes leaving to avoid discipline impossible. I have heard people upset about it. But honestly, I think it is a big step in the right direction, I hope it is true.

Orthodoxy is not without stain. We have our own mini financial/sex abuse scandal occuring at this moment. (Mini as compared to what the Vatican is dealing with in terms of size, not in the nature of the sin).

http://pokrov.org/display.asp?ds=Article&id=679

And virtually everyone knows about the Roman Catholic church and countless other Protestant churches like Overlake and their scandals. I don't say any of this to say MH is the worst church ever. I merely hope that something is being put into place for real accountability at MH. Especially given the mass "membership class" from the pulpit that is currently occuring. It was difficult for them to know members individually before they started this sermon series, I don't know how they will do it afterward.

Nonetheless, if anyone knows ANYTHING about this man Nicholas Francisco, please contact the Seattle PD.

(edited to expound/clarify on my thoughts above)

Hee hee.....

2008-05-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

more cat pictures

Smeagol cut my hair today

2008-05-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

I went today to an unspecified fast-food of hairdressing salon. Now I am not the thinnest of people. In fact today a really itsy-bitsy skinny Asian woman asked me if I was pregnant. (At least I think she asked that, her engrish was not wreel good). I walked into an empty salon and this rather obese woman came panting up to help me. I ask for a haircut. She sits me down and I smell burritos. No problem. Maybe she was eating and the smell followed her. But I start to smell it REALLY strongly as she is misting my hair.

It is obvious at this point that when I arrived I interrupted her lunch. Now I am a hairdresser, I have had a license for about 10 years at this point. And I know how hard it is to get a bite to eat when you work in a salon. You eat when the place is dead because you may not get a chance to do so later. But the cardinal rule of hairdressing or really ANY job is that you WASH YOUR HANDS after you go to the bathroom and after you eat. And the smell of burritos on her hands was really nauseating.

I debated asking her to wash her hands. But since she argued with me when I told her I had layers in the front of my hair I decided not to broach the subject. I am not a real talker when I have my hair cut. I like the process to be quick, painless and quiet. But I think that she wasn't capable of talking. She was panting, grunting and gasping like Smeagol. It took all of my ability to keep my "ethnic stare" and composure so that I didn't laugh at her.

She finished up my hair and offered to put some curl cream in it. I looked at the ingredients and she assumed that I wanted to know about scents. I mentioned that I was actually a hairdresser and she got really quiet really fast.

I think I scared her. Quiet can be scary to many. But it was either be quiet and work on controling my mind and tongue or be snarky.

But I did crack up when I got back into the car. Smeagol cut my hair!

PC police

2008-05-06T13:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was doing some P.E at the park with Miss O. She needed to run a little jaunt from one place to the next and back. It was maybe 1/4 mile combined both ways. It wasn't far. The point was to get her to run or jog both ways. But the little stinker was making a hell of a stink and really fighting me. So she would run out and then try and walk back. So I stopped her and made her run her way back. After that was told that she could play for awhile. But instead she played for about 5 minutes. And the playing she did was really not physical in any way. There weren't very many kids that wanted to play and she just wasn't into playing with her sister or brother. She likes to have all the other kids push her on the merry-go-round. And quite frankly, the other kids don't want her to push them since she is such a slow/lazy runner. If she had been really playing, like going down the slide, climbing the rock wall, or SOMETHING other than sitting and pouting about the lack of kids I wouldn't have decided to head home. But I needed to get home and change Ollie and Woosters diapers, so I gave her a choice between the monkey bars once or another lap. She chose the lap.

While she ran I loaded Ollie and Wooster into their car seats. As I look over she is walking the second half of her lap. I had bought her and Woo a fruit smoothie before we went to the park. So when she comes to the car I say; "Well, I am going to have to throw away the rest of your fruit smoothie since you didn't run the second half." (There have to be repercussions for disobedience) She wails, screams and such. I tell her that if she wants the smoothie she needs to go run that lap again both ways. So she screams and cries but chooses to run. I walk over with her to get her started and cheer her on.

This guy in his late 40's declares to me that I am a mean mother and that "she has run enough." I reply that no, she has walked most of what she was supposed to run. He says I would never make my son do that (pointing to his son). I ask how old his son is, he replies that his son is 5 years old. And I tell him that she is nearly 7 and that I have to do 30 minutes of P.E a school day because we home school. It was a pretty quick interchange and Oheo has already started her lap. So this guy tells me that I better have her stop running or he will take down my license plate number and "report" me for child abuse! So I told him to go ahead, I have to do 30 minutes of P.E a day. (Not to mention I would have lost ALL credibility with Miss O if some random stranger could tell me how and what to teach her. I have enough problems with her respecting my role as teacher as it is). So I am still waiting for the police to come pounding on my door. Hopefully they won't, but if they do I have a clear conscience.

Miss O has something called "Sensory Processing Disorder." She is a very smart, very dramatic and challenging child. And I must say that 99.8% of the time she is a delight. She is obedient and helpful and in general really awesome. But when she wants to lock horns...well, lets say that it is quite a battle. And while I choose my battles (Like if she wants to do "x" but I want her to do "y" then I try and see if we can compromise on "z") I also can't let one like the above cut me off at the knees as a parent.

And quite frankly, Miss O comes from a long line of obese people with diabetes, and I really don't want to have that quality continue on with her. And at the age of 6 she weighs about 5-10lbs more than the upper end of her weight should be. She was a bit winded by the end, but she recovered in literally minutes. I think that seeing her mom threatened by a stranger with arrest scared her more than the running bothered her.

And of course now her SPD symptoms are worse because she externalizes her stress. So this well meaning guy actually caused more harm than I did. Combine that incident with my husbands absence over the last weekend and my little Miss O is having a tough day today.

Later yesterday she said: "You weren't being mean mama, I was being disobedient. That guy is mean for calling the police on you."

Her lesson in all this; if she makes a stink not only is it really annoying, it causes people to thing that she is being tormented. Which then causes them to think we are horrible parents.

Man, I hate living in a city with more kids than dogs sometimes......

OK this is creepy and really cool at the same time

2008-05-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

Seattle's pigeons shot with darts at risk of painful death
By Sonia Krishnan
Seattle Times staff reporter

FRANZISKA EDWARDS / PETA
This pigeon is among those shot in downtown Seattle.
Someone is impaling pigeons in downtown Seattle with metal darts, and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is putting up $2,000 to help find out who.
Several Seattle residents have called PETA in the past two weeks to report seeing three injured pigeons fluttering around with needlelike projectiles — about 3 to 4 inches long — piercing their heads, said Tori Perry, cruelty case worker for the Norfolk, Virginia-based organization. The birds were spotted in the 1400 block of Third Avenue and at the corner of Third Avenue and Union Street, she added.
The darts were fired from a blow gun, lodging directly behind the birds' eyes without penetrating their brains, Perry said.
The longer the darts remain, the higher the chance for the injury to get worse and infection to set in, she said. The end result: "a very, very painful death," Perry said.
"This is just a horrifying case," she said. "Someone who would do this to an animal is a short step away from doing this to a human being."
Authorities at the Seattle Animal Shelter said they have also gotten several complaints about the darted pigeons. And, they add, it's been difficult to track and capture the birds to get them proper treatment.
"They are quite athletic, good fliers," said Don Baxter, enforcement supervisor. "They're not hanging around waiting for an officer to get close" to take them to a veterinarian, he said.
Anyone with information is asked to contact the Seattle Animal Shelter at 206-386-7387.

I am impressed with the persons aiming abilty I have to say. But to actually do that to a living being is horrible. I absolutely DON'T condone the behaviour, I wish that they would find a less sadistic outlet for their talent. Because that kind of aim really is a talent and skill.

Weekend warriors

2008-05-03T13:48:00.001-07:00

The Bear (aka my husband) is gone for the weekend and I am left with three kids alone all weekend. Two of them have colds.

Do you want to know what scares the shit out of us military family members? Incomplete news stories about danger in or at "x" location where your loved one is. I had that occur yesterday. Apparently there was a "suspicious vehicle" at the base where my husband is and they decided to run a news story on it. But they just talked about what the vehicle COULD BE rather than actually finding out what it was. And they also filmed a bunch of really dramatic scenes of cars being stopped and such. Gotta love the long news story about NOTHING. And when my beloved called from the base he didn't know ANYTHING about it! It was a MAJOR deal to the local media but the only result on base was a slight detour akin to construction delays.

My hubby may be sent somewhere other than the sandbox. That would be nice. I can always hold out hope.

I have a book coming in the mail next week that ought to be an interesting read.

Growing up protestant I heard a great deal about how the end of the world is at hand. And I am anxious to see what the Orthodox view of "end times" is. Our priest actually wrote the forward to the book.

Speaking of which....our beloved priest has a book that just came out this week!

It is available both thru conciliar press and amazon. The catechism classes we have taken thus far have been in large part from his notes in his book. It is part memoir, part catechism, part history text and a host of other things. We as a parish are blessed to have such a wonderful man as our priest. And we were fortunate to have Fr. Michael as long as we did.

Christ is risen!

2008-04-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

We were baptized and chrismated on Lazarus Saturday, the 19th to be exact. It was beautiful. I really enjoyed the service. The kids were all really good. My in-laws and one of my brothers came to see the whole thing. Their first orthodox service ever! And WHAT a service for the unfamiliar to attend for the first time. It started at 8:30am and we were not done until close to 1pm.

Then we all took a break from Internet and TV for holy week. It was good to have a break from all that technology. We went to services every day last week. We saw Christ buried, listened to a great deal of readings and really got into the somber part of Pascha.

Today is Pascha!

Wow! No one can beat the orthodox when it comes to celebrating. The service started at 5am this morning, then a big breakfast and then Vespers, an Easter egg hunt, games and a feast at 2pm. This was a TRUE celebration.

My head is still spinning. It was by far the most beautiful celebration I have ever been to. It rained here in the NW (surprise, surprise!). But it didn't effect the celebration whatsoever.

To end here is what Saint John Chrysostom had to say about Pascha:

If any man be devout and love God, let him enjoy this fair and radiant triumphal feast. If any man be a wise servant, let him rejoicing enter into the joy of his Lord. If any have labored long in fasting, let him now receive his recompense. If any have wrought from the first hour, let him today receive his just reward. If any have come at the third hour, let him with thankfulness keep the feast. If any have arrived at the sixth hour, let him have no misgivings; because he shall in nowise be deprived therefor. If any have delayed until the ninth hour, let him draw near, fearing nothing. If any have tarried even until the eleventh hour, let him, also, be not alarmed at his tardiness; for the Lord, who is jealous of his honor, will accept the last even as the first; he gives rest unto him who comes at the eleventh hour, even as unto him who has wrought from the first hour.

And he shows mercy upon the last, and cares for the first; and to the one he gives, and upon the other he bestows gifts. And he both accepts the deeds, and welcomes the intention, and honors the acts and praises the offering. Wherefore, enter you all into the joy of your Lord; and receive your reward, both the first, and likewise the second. You rich and poor together, hold high festival. You sober and you heedless, honor the day. Rejoice today, both you who have fasted and you who have disregarded the fast. The table is full-laden; feast ye all sumptuously. The calf is fatted; let no one go hungry away.

Enjoy ye all the feast of faith: Receive ye all the riches of loving-kindness. let no one bewail his poverty, for the universal kingdom has been revealed. Let no one weep for his iniquities, for pardon has shown forth from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Savior's death has set us free. He that was held prisoner of it has annihilated it. By descending into Hell, He made Hell captive. He embittered it when it tasted of His flesh. And Isaiah, foretelling this, did cry: Hell, said he, was embittered, when it encountered Thee in the lower regions. It was embittered, for it was abolished. It was embittered, for it was mocked. It was embittered, for it was slain. It was embittered, for it was overthrown. It was embittered, for it was fettered in chains. It took a body, and met God face to face. It took earth, and encountered Heaven. It took that which was seen, and fell upon the unseen.

O Death, where is your sting? O Hell, where is your victory? Christ is risen, and you are overthrown. Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and not one dead remains in the grave. For Christ, being risen from the dead, is become the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen.

Christ is risen from the dead trampling down death by death and upon those in the tombs bestowing life.

Pretty productive today

2008-04-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

We recently revamped Miss O's room. We sold her old daybed and bookshelves and bought a nice full size bed, a big bookshelf and a desk. Then we moved Wooster out of her crib that was in our room into the big bed with Miss O. We never expected her to take the transition so well! She slept with up up until she was 18mths old and weaned. That was not an easy transition. Although it was easier than the transition with Oheo went. Woo cried a bit but was fully transitioned in about a week. But from the first night she slept with Miss O she has been there. No crying, no getting up and coming into our room. She sleeps in there and as an added bonus Oheo sleep walks MUCH less than she did before when she slept in there alone.

But the boxes of stuff that was to be thrown out or given away were left for awhile. They just sat there accumulating more stuff and, well....frankly the room was AWFUL. But today the girls and I went thru the room and cleaned it thoroughly. You know a room is bad when you child says; "No mama, I don't want you to tuck me in because my room is a mess."

And homeschooling will be much easier for Miss O with her desk away from the fray and craziness.

Apprehension and depression

2008-04-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

I am feeling kind of depressed today. There are a variety of very good reasons for this that have nothing to do with deployment. But I won't go into them all at the moment.

Confession went well. I really like this sacrament. It is nice and yet scary to confess all my sins and shorrcomings to someone else. I feel like I have a new start in many ways. Things that I have done in the past are now completely in the past.

This Saturday is Lazarus Saturday. My entire family will be baptized. It is a bit bittersweet. I was baptized as a teen at a former Full Gospel church. But they don't keep records, and it burned down anyway. What it meant then is not what it means now. So being re-baptized isn't contradictory to me.

I am nervous about the prospect. This is FULL immersion baptism. And I don't know how well Wooster will do with this process. Ollie will be "churched" which is really cool. He will be brought behind the iconostasis, that is somewhere that only a select few can ever go, and only if they have the right...equipment. (i.e they can aim when they pee)

Deployment is ever encroaching on our thoughts and lives. The Bear (my husband) leaves in about 3 months. And I am starting to have to plan things in the coming months without him. Miss O's birthday trip to OMSI will be without her dad. Our yearly trip to the fair will be without him. And then I have to think about the what, where, how and such about Christmas and Thanksgiving. That is really sobering. Typically we plan EVERYTHING together. So to plan all these things without his imput feels sort of empty. I want to celebrate the holidays, I can't put our entire lives on hold for the deployment. But I would be lying if I didn't say that is what I wish I could do. If we could freeze time for everyone but him, we could all be in suspended animation for 13mths and then restart everything once he is back, that would be awesome. But we can't do that. And in reality I only "want" that. I don't actually want that, I love our life, I love our kids and I wouldn't give up the next 13mths watching them live and grow for anything in the world.

I hope that the deployment goes by quickly.

When the Bear went last time we really belived in what was being done there. Our presence there enabled the Christians there to live and worship as they pleased. A horrible, vicous leader was taken from power. It stopped the genocide that was going on. But now with the Sharia in place, we are nearly mirroring what we did in Kuwait in many respects. My husband would be forced to do nothing if he were to see a brother or sister in Christ being persecuted for their faith. That causes quite to crisis of faith and duty.

That movie Three Kings was fiction. But the scenes where the soldiers had to watch the Sunni/Shitte war and the innocents that were caught in the crossfire, that WAS the reality there.

Christianity and democracy aren't the recipe for peace. I can't say that the Christians that slaughtered and otherwise abused my ancestors were a great testament to the faith. And I can't say that democracy works perfectly. But what is going on over there now is COMPLETELY unacceptable.

BAGHDAD (AFP) - Gunmen shot dead an Assyrian Orthodox priest near his house in central Baghdad's Karrada neighbourhood on Saturday, security officials told AFP.

Youssef Adel, a priest with Saint Peter's Church, was killed by gunmen travelling in a car around noon (0900 GMT), they said.

A medical official said Adel's body had been brought to Ibn Nafis hospital in central Baghdad.

Christians in Iraq have come under frequent attack in recent months, with clerics kidnapped and churches bombed.

Last month, the body of Paulos Faraj Rahho, Chaldean Catholic archbishop of Mosul, was found in a shallow grave in the northern city two weeks after he was kidnapped.

Rahho, 65, was abducted during a shootout in which three of his companions were killed, as he returned home after mass in Mosul on February 29.

He was the latest in a long line of Chaldean clerics to be abducted since the US-led invasion of 2003.

Iraq's Christians, with the Chaldean rite the largest community, were said to number as many as 800,000 before the US-led invasion nearly five years ago. The number today is believed to have dropped to half that figure.

In January, Pope Benedict XVI expressed his "spiritual closeness" to Christian victims of attacks in Iraq.

"Mindful that such attacks are also directed against the whole people of Iraq, His Holiness appeals to the perpetrators to renounce the ways of violence, which have caused so much suffering to the civilian population," the pope said.

(emphasis mine)

The above happens REGULARLY over there. It grieves me to no end to hear about all this from here. I can't imagine how it feels for those that are over there.

Confession

2008-04-09T21:55:00.001-07:00

This Friday I will be going to confession for the first time. I both dread and look forward to it. I have lived a life that has had a great deal of sin. I have done many very bad things. It will be wonderful to do my life confession. To stand in front of the icon and confess all my sins....it will be terrifying and cathartic. Pray for me a sinner. I have much to confess.....

March of Dimes

2008-04-04T14:40:00.000-07:00

I have been asked by the March of Dimes to send out fundraising cards. They gave me just 5 addresses to send these cards to. And I have a "goal" of $35 that they would like for me to reach. If anyone would like to have a card sent to them so that they can make a donation, please email me and I will send you one.

ollokot@yahoo.com

This weekend

2008-04-03T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have been in a particularly bad mood the last few weeks. I feel like I have flame breath. I am really struggling with anger. I need to get a handle on it. I am praying a great deal, and trying to work thru to the other side of it. And I have my moments when I am doing really well. But then there are days like today.

We just found out that the next two drills after the one this weekend are FOUR DAY drills. And in all likelihood they will be OVERNIGHT drills also. And then in addition to those drills he has to go to at least two separate trainings that last between 3-5 days. And he is leaving in roughly 3 months, so those many drills and trainings are cutting into the very small amount of time we have before he leaves. This weekend is a three day overnight drill. So tomorrow at 5:30am my husband leaves and I will see him at some point on Sunday. I say at some point because military time in the Bears unit is nearly as bad as Indian time. Indian time is a rough 12 hour guess; you say noon and it could be any time between noon and midnight.

We have vacation coming up two weeks from this Saturday. And we will be received into the Orthodox church at that point. I am looking forward to that a great deal. But having this deployment hanging over our heads is really getting to me. Whine...whine...whine...

I am really scared of becoming a single mom of three. I don't want to live the rest of my life without my husband, I don't want to raise our children alone.

The Bear (my husband) has pointed out that right now is the hardest part of all this, the waiting. Once he is gone and we all settle in everything will be much easier. And to a large extent it IS easier. By far it is easier for him to be distracted thru all this. He will be far far away and detached from all this. I will sleep on "my side" with "his side" full of children or empty. I will pass by his dresser, see his face in our children. And the worst part; doing his laundry after he is gone. This simple task is always the worst. I will be washing and putting away clothes for him that he won't be wearing again for at least a year. I really hate that. I feel like I am putting HIM away in a box. I hate that.

Oh my, the 9 month insanity is kicking in

2008-03-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

When my kids hit the age of 9-10 months I start wanting another baby. I don't actually WANT another baby really. I like the idea of being pregnant and having a baby 9 months from now. Ollie is getting so big so fast. So I struggle with enjoying the baby-ness of him now even though he isn't a baby-baby. I don't want to have a baby next Jan or so. I want to have my husband here when I give birth, so having a baby early next year is out of the question. I think there must be some hormone of insanity that kicks in at this point. I have to fight this instinct every time I have a 9 month old. And invariably when my kids at 18 months old I am happy that I don't have a newborn in addition to my toddler. It was really hard to be pregnant when Lu was 18 months old and to give birth when she was 20 months old. So I shall wait. I don't really want to be pregnant right now anyway (or at least that is what I keep telling myself).

Although if we aren't pregnant before my husband leaves it will be a first for us. That probably plays a part in this insanity also. I actually kind of like being pregnant while he is gone (well, I like the first two trimesters while he is gone, that last one? Nope, I need the help) I have something to distract myself from his absence. But I absolutely DON'T want to give birth while he is gone. And I think part of me wants to believe that he won't be gone the full 13 months.

My husband is fully aware of this insanity and we are both in agreement that we are NOT going to get pregnant until he is back. But my hormones are raging.

Pray for me, I am absolutely going out of my mind.